The NEW Diary of Lute
by I-Am-Erk
Summary: Read the diary of a prodigy mage! New entries up! Leave a review! I ACCEPT ANONYMOUS REVIEWS NOW!
1. Entries 1 to 5

Please leave a review! And also to all you reviewers I'm sorry that I messed up with the characters and stuff. I was in a hurry when I thought of the idea because I was going on vacation so I'm sorry to all you guys that read this. So enjoy the new version of it. Also, I do not own or play Dungeons and Dragons. I got that idea from reading a web comic.

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Day 1 

Location: Adlas Plains

Weather Report: Foggy

We had a small skirmish today, mostly cavalry though. We just took up some of our anti-horse weapons and killed them easily. Colm was at the front lines though, having a good eye-sight, and was nearly killed by cavaliers wielding lances. It was actually pretty amusing watching Colm running away into that abandoned fort.

Well, our troops are doing well so far. Natasha is doing great with her healing skills, but Moulder is complaining that she gets to do all the healing and earn all the "experience points" which are hard to earn for healers. That sounded perverted somehow, which I will not say to readers who don't even understand what I'm thinking of. Franz's swordplay is improving and so is Eirika's. Ross is becoming better with his axe. Joshua just goes around and flirts with Natasha. I think Natasha is playing hard to get.

Oh we also saw a Bael, a giant spider. They almost ate Renais hostages, which is why we were even in this fight, but luckily Vanessa and Neimi killed it before they could get to them.

After that we just headed for the local village. Along the way we met a guy named Paul, who was kicked out of some random bar we passed. He claimed that he was a strategist from somewhere called Elibe. Then he said he guided the forces to destroy a villain from releasing dragons from a portal. None of believed him, but Eirika and Seth hired him for some reason. Seth thinks he's like one of the group's leaders and says that he can make decisions for the group.

Well whatever. We're camping outside of the village which is confusing me, seeing that there's an inn at the village. The list says I'm bunking with Paul and Artur. I don't want to bunk with either of them because one, Paul's a complete stranger we just picked up from the streets and two, Artur is slightly annoying at times.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 2

Location: Adlas Plains village

Weather Report: Foggy Yet again

We're here again and buying some supplies. I don't know why we can't just walk and buy some stuff along the way. Well that's what happens when you have an uptight paladin traveling with you, saying, "we need those supplies for when our weapons break and turn into germ infested dust that might give you a deadly disease." The only deadly disease I have is a monk that annoys me to tells me to stay somewhere safe.

Artur is all "stay here Lute and I'll get try to reach that group with low armor!" That was when we met the group at the Za'ha woods. Okay maybe I was exaggerating, but still, he can be sort of annoying at times.

Joshua is at the bar with some money he found and is making bets. He did a magic trick that earns him money with some drunken guy. Here's what happened…

Joshua is at the bar which Paul was kicked out of and walks over to some stupid looking guy. He sits down next to him and slowly turns to him.

"Hey want to do a magic trick where you get money?" said Joshua holding some cash and a small box.

The man turned to Joshua. "Yeah sure, why not!" replied the drunken male.

"Ok." Joshua put 500 gold in a box. "Now you put 500 gold in the box."

The man reached into his pocket and dropped 500 into the box.

"Great!" Joshua grinned. "Now that there's 1000 gold in the box I'll sell this box and all its contents to you for 850 gold."

"Wow! You're a generous guy! What a great magic trick! I'll take it!" The drunken man took the box and handed 850 to Joshua.

"Yup I'm that kind of guy! Bye and have a nice day!"

I was also at the bar so I heard this. I didn't understand the trick at first. I took a piece of paper and did some math. Joshua actually became richer and the drunken guy actually became poorer. Joshua started with 500 and the other guy started with 1350. Now they both put 500 in the box. Joshua now has nothing and the guy now has 850. Now Joshua sells the box for 850 to the other man. Joshua is now 350 gold richer. The guy pays and has the box containing 1000 gold. So that makes him 350 gold poorer.

Well, that was the exercise for my brain today. I wonder how long it'll take that man to realize how much money he just lost.

Half of us are at the village buying some supplies and the rest are at camp relaxing. Very unfair. Seth never fights and he's at the camp relaxing. All he ever does is yell orders out.

Oh well. I paid Ross 50 gold then gave him the gold I was given to buy the stuff on the list I was given. Sucker. Time for relaxation.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 3

Location: On the road to Renvall

Weather: Peachy

Today we're on the road to Renvall. Apparently Eirika's brother is there and we need to rescue him from Grado forces. Right now we're just walking and most of the group is complaining that their feet hurt and that they need to be fed more. Personally, I think most of our little group is full of a bunch of lazy soldiers. For example, Joshua, who's always hitting on Natasha and Ross who always hits an enemy soldier once then runs coming back to one of us asking for a vulnerary. It's not just them though. There aren't many sane people around here.

Artur is annoying me about the random species of bugs on the ground. He thinks they're out to get him, plotting some weird plan to bite him and devour his rotting body. The only way his body is going to get devoured is by a fire spell that will consume his flesh. Don't get me wrong, me and Artur are best friends and all, but he can be a huge pain in the neck. I think his parents spelled his name wrong though. There's supposed to be an "h" between the "t" and "u."

We're still on the road seeing that Eirika isn't going to let us stop walking until nightfall. Ross complained that his blisters on his feet are starting to get blisters. That's sort of creepy if you think about it.

Thank God it's almost night. I almost thought that my feet would fall off. I'm still sharing a tent with Artur and Paul though. Paul just walks around and asks for food from us. You can't blame him, his waist is like 24 freaking inches or something. He eats a lot though and he doesn't get any fatter.

I'm going to put a huge beetle I found in Artur's bed. Artur is going to have a little surprise when he takes off his bed covers.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 4

Location: 1 and a half north of Renvall

Weather: Nice and warm.

Yet again, we're being forced to march to Renvall. I wish I had a horse because my feet really hurt. I went to our supply manager and managed to sneak on board of it. Problem solved! No more foot aches and having to soak my feet in a tub of hot water.

I'm just sitting here watching everyone complain about their foot aches. Here's a little scenario I heard.

Ross tries to trudge on the road using his axe as a walking stick.

"Huff… huff… huff… Dad! I don't think I can go on anymore! The burden is too heavy!" Ross clutches his other axe on his back that I assume is his "burden."

Garcia walks along side of his son who is also limping next to his son.

"Don't worry Mr. Son! We can keep going! I can't carry your axe- I mean, burden! But I can carry you!" Garcia Picks up Ross and hoists him over his shoulder.

"Ack! My spine!" exclaimed Ross as his father picked him up and placed him over his shoulder strongly.

Seth and Franz ride along side each other.

"But General Seth! My horse is tired! He's sweating to death!"

Franz's horse thinks, "Must…concentrate on road… must not collapse… Must not stare at Eirika's skirt that occasionally flies up when the wind blows revealing her pink panties…"

"Franz, it's just a horse. It doesn't have feelings. All it knows is eating, sleeping, running, and excreting its wastes."

"But General! Horses do have feelings! They dream in their sleep like humans and dogs! And your horse is tired too! Look at him!"

Seth's horse thinks, "Must concentrate on road… must not concentrate on my hoof blisters… must not concentrate on staring at Eirika's skirt that flies up from time to time when the wind passes by, exposing her tight pink panties…"

Seth looked down at his horse then back at Franz.

"Erm… No problem! I'll just use this horse-whip! I just whip my horse and it goes faster!"

"Really General Seth? Cool!"

Seth tosses Franz a whip and then both started whipping their horses making them go slightly faster in very much pain."

Artur strides next to Eirika and starts complaining about stuff.

"But Princess Eirika! We have to rest now!"

"Artur, I said we'll rest at nightfall."

"But why at night? There's wild animals at night time!"

"Artur, we'll have someone keep watch. Someone can chase them away if they come near us."

"But Princess! What if they're too dangerous? What about the wild dingoes!"

"Artur. **_Deal_** with it!"

A small group forms and starts ranting.

"We want rest!"

Eirika stops her conversation and turns to them. "No! Not until we're within a league of Renvall!"

"We want rest! We want beds! We want to use the internet and make some near naked punk bitches suck it down!"

"No! No rest or pornography!"

"Booooooo!" The little cliché started tossing random garbage/debris/rocks at Eirika.

Eirka subsided and turned to them again.

"Okay fine! You can rest!"

"Yaaaaaay!"

Joshua brings up a laptop, "I got pornography!"

Most of the males except Paul, Moulder, and Artur cheer and rush over to Joshua.

Ross lifts his head from Garcia's shoulder.

"Dad! Can I go? Can I? Can I? Please! Please!"

"No son! Your not old enough yet! But I am!" Garcia drops Ross on the ground and rushes over to Joshua.

"Agh my spine!" howled Ross.

Yeah… That was basically today. Artur and Paul climbed onto the supply manager cart with me and we all watched as Joshua and most of the men crowd around the "laptop." Some of the women started slapping the men. It was sort of funny watching most of the men being slapped continuously as they watched the videos on this laptop. There isn't much happening today except that which I wrote above. I guess I'm going to stop here.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 5

Location: Three Leagues from Renvall

Weather: It's Night and it's cold.

It's night time now and I got guard duty with Colm. Actually Colm and me are taking turns. He's playing this "role-playing" game called "Dungeons and Dragons" with Ross, Franz, and Artur. I keep hearing them yell odd things that I don't understand.

Apparently in this game you can make a choice on what you want to do in a "dungeon." Here's what I can hear from outside the tent

I sit in front of a fire with the Dungeons and Dragon tent behind me.

Colm starts talking on a mysterious voice, "The stench of decay is present in this lair of undead. Weird symbols are carved into the wall as you walk by. Suddenly, undead emerge from the ground and make sounds at you! What do you guys do?"

Artur (Coward) replies, "I leap into my portable hole and only return to claim my share of the treasure!"

Ross (Opportunist) answers, "I betray my companions and attack them! Hoping that I can have favor with the undead king!"

Franz (Dram Refugee) says, "I take my lute and play something soothing. Something like the Undead Top 40."

Colm memorizes the answers then says, "Franz plays an undead song from the Undead Top 40 on his lute, increasing the lust for blood of the undead creatures."

Franz panics, "No! They were supposed to disco or something!"

Ross interrupts, "And since I betrayed you guys I attack Franz with my warhammer!"

Colm then states, "Your blow kills Franz as it makes contact with him! But your plan failed! As the undead do not care if you want to betray your team! They cannibalize on Franz's body, gaining more strength and then attack you with their claws! Doing severe damage. You slowly lose your strength from the poison and you fall!"

Ross, "Aw flux!"

Artur, "Now I return from my portable hole to get the riches and escape!"

Colm, "Yeah. But then the undead take the treasure and start eating it!"

Artur, "No! My guy faints because of the money that's being taken!"

Colm, "Yes! And now the undead feast on your unconscious corpse!"

Artur, "Nooo!"

I knock on the flap and look in seeing all four of them except Colm dressed up in capes and stuff.

"Erm… Colm? It's your time for guard duty."

Franz, "No without a dungeon master we cant play!"

Ross, "And we don't know how to be dungeon master!"

Me, "Well that's just too bad."

Artur, "Awww…"

I blink and look at Artur, "Artur? What are you doing here? I thought you weren't into this kind of stuff."

"Erm… role-playing?"

"Sigh. Whatever. Let's just go and leave these nerds."

I'm heading to my tent now to get some sleep. I've already been on guard duty long enough today. I hope they don't play Dungeons and Dragons again. It's sort of creepy listening to them. This looks like a page to me so I guess this should be enough for today.

Prodigy, Lute

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So readers how do you like the new version? I hope you enjoyed this one better than the last one. Sorry about that version. Remember to leave a review!  



	2. Entries 6 to 10

Hi readers! Thanks for the reviews. I got more than forty hits, but not as much as forty reviews. Oh well. Well here's chapter two for you all! Also, if you read this then I ask you to please leave a review.

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Day 6 

Location: One League From Renvall

Weather: Not bad

We're not that far from Renvall now. Everyone is still complaining though that they're feet hurt and that they need more pornography. Not me. I always sneak on board of the supply manager cart.

I wish we were at Renvall already. It's getting boring just watching everyone complain. There isn't really anything to write about. Nothing except complaining, complaining, and more complaining. Especially from Artur. All he complains about is the safety of others.

First he says we might trip on the rocks on the ground and get injured. Then he says that we should stay in the shade because the rays of the sun are so hot that they might make us catch fire. And _then_ he says if the healers over-heal one of us we might get so healed that we'll explode into a beam of healing rays. I mean, this guy is like Smoky the Bear saying protective stuff like "And only **you **can prevent forest fires." Man I can't believe my best friend is so nuts. Well that's Artur for you. A protective guy in some odd crazy sort of way.

There really isn't anything to write about. I'm stopping here even though its half a page.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 7

Location: Half a League from Renvall

Weather: It's night again.

Apparently tomorrow we're going to try and pull of a siege on Renvall. Either our team is full of dumb asses, or they're trying to commit suicide in the process.

We sent Colm somewhere to spy on the enemy. Well, we would've sent someone else more reliable for this job, but it appears that Colm can send messages to us by doing monkey calls. He said he was a "chimp scout" when he was a kid and learned nature survival crap. I remember when I was a child a monkey scout went up to my door selling cookies with _bananas. _After I tried the free sample I told him they tasted like they were baked from an easy bake oven.

Also, Ross is a chimp scout in training. I guess he knows how to translate monkey languages while yelling idiotically back.

After listening to Ross and Colm practice their little language, I was able to find out how to decipher it. The syllables are translated into a random word, but you have to listen carefully when they emphasize the syllables. I think about a quarter of people that go through my diary will try speaking this monkey language.

Ross and Colm are at it again. Seth is trying to get them to stop so everyone can do whatever they're doing in peace. I was trying to read a book across them.

Seth, "**Okay**! I had enough already! Just stop talking go we can all get some sleep!" Seth leaves the tent to leave Colm and Ross to do whatever and me to read my book

Colm, "………."

Ross, "………."

Colm, "_Oo_ Oo _Ooo _Oo Oo Oo _Ooo_?" Which translates to "Don't you think he's annoying?"

Ross, "Oo _Oo_."

Colm, "Ooo... Oo _Oo _Oo Oo OoOo OoOo _Ooo_?" That translates to "So… Do you want to Annoy people now?"

Ross, "OoOoOo! **_Oo _**Oo!" I think that was "Hahaha! **_Hell_** Yeah!"

Ross and Colm run around the camp making monkey noises and throw bananas into random rooms.

Artur, "Dum de dum de dum….." Artur walks by innocently and trips on a banana. He then slides into a stack of barrels full of bananas. It spills unleashing bananas which people continue to slip on and slide into each other.

Joshua, "Hey a bananaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Joshua slides on a banana.

Natasha, "Ooo Bananaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Natasha also slides on a banana, but collides with Joshua. Ending up with Natasha on top of Joshua.

Joshua, "Natasha! Fancy meeting you here! Want a banana?"

Natasha, "Uh how about later when I'm off you and you're about 10 feet away from me?" Natasha gets up and scurries off."

Joshua, "Aw…."

Garcia comes by and also trips.

"Doo dee doo dee doooooooo!" Garcia slides and then hits the ground.

Moulder slides next to Garcia.

Moulder, "Ow…"

Garcia, "Ugh… I think I broke something!"

Moulder, "Me too…"

Both put their hands on their back and then bring them back up to reveal broken squished bananas in their hands.

Moulder, "Ugh…"

Vanessa flies over the camp and watches us all except me as we slide into things.

Vanessa, "Wow. I can't believe they can't just try and get out of this and try to clean this up. Luckily I hate bananas and I don't eat them. Hahahaha!"

Vanessa's Pegasus looks down lustfully.

Pegasus thinks, "Oh my god! I love bananas! They're sweeter then carrots! And they're shiny! Must eat shiny stuff!"

Vanessa's Pegasus dives down to grab a banana with its mouth.

Vanessa, "Hahaha- Hey girl! What the flux- Ahh!" Vanessa's Pegasus slides on the bananas trying to nab one in its mouth.

Franz crouches and picks up a banana.

Franz, "Hm… Maybe I can cook something with a banana! Or maybe I don't have to cook it… Maybe I can just put it with something! I know! I got an idea! I'll put this banana in a bowl with vanilla ice cream! I'll put it in a bowl cut the bananas and call it… A banana split! W007! I'm a genius that has L33T cook!ng skillz! Ph34r the pow3r of my L33T B4n4n4 spli7! Hahahaha-Ahh!" Franz is pushed by Colm and Ross into the field of bananas.

Colm, "OoOoOo!" Translates into "Hahaha!"

Ross, "Oooo… Oo'Oo OoOoOo Oo Oo _Oooo_!" That turns to "Heey… Franz's banana split is goood!"

I pass by and watch as everyone trips and crashes into each other.

"Bananas are a good source of potassium…" I take a bite out of the banana I find.

Artur goes next to me covered in bananas. "Huff… Huff… Vision blurring… everything going yellowy!"

"Your vision isn't the only thing going yellow. I think your brain is turning into a banana."

"Lute! If I turn into a banana I want you to know I was the one who got your fire book slimy… I was trying to kill a bug with it!"

"… So you're the one who got that bug crap all over my fire tome?"

"Uh… Yes?"

"Whatever. If you turn into a banana I'm not saving you from whatever Monkey army that tries to eat you." I walk away.

"No Lute! Don't leave me out here! I'm _scared_!"

So yeah. Artur thinks he's dead. Later on he'll probably wake up and think that the monkeys spared his life and cured him of his illness. I'm going to go to bed now and try to get over this smell of banana that's reeking over the camp.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 8

Location: A Camp by Renvall

Weather: Not too bad I guess

Everyone at camp is getting pretty pissed off at hearing Ross making monkey calls while listening to Colm's monkey calls from God knows where. I mean, they're really getting annoying now. They've been doing this for at least half an hour now.

Why can't we just charge the enemy instead of waiting for Monkey Man and Monkey boy to finish being idiots? Ross is trying to tell Eirika and Seth what Colm is saying, but then Ross thinks its wrong then calls Colm in monkey language to repeat what he said. If this goes on the Grado forces are going to come to us and surrender. Oh yeah like that's going to happen.

We're probably going to camp out tonight and wait for Colm to get back here. They want to make sure that Ross didn't forget to say anything.

Okay I'm back from lunch. Ross didn't eat though. He's still yelling like an idiot. I swear I'm going to go over to him and set him on fire. Then I'll throw a flammable beverage at him. That should shut him up. As you can see I really don't like Ross a lot. Here's one of our conversations we had after he was finished

Ross tries to catch up to me while shouting.

Ross, "Hey! Lute! Wait up!"

"Oh god I hope Monkey boy isn't talking to me. I'll just pretend I can't hear him. Lalalala."

"Mage woman! I'm trying to talk to you!"

"First of all my name isn't mage woman. It's Lute."

"Yeah… I kind of know that already. And you know my name! Son of Garcia Ross!"

"So "Son-of-Garcia-Ross what can I do for you."

"I said my name's **Ross**. Anyway… You use magic right?"

"Yes Ross. You've seen me use magic before. And I don't just use magic. I know all types of magic. Don't make that mistake again."

"Okay… Your kind of weird… Do you think I can learn magic?" asked Ross.

"Nope."

"What do you mean nope?"

"I don't think your monkey brain has the mental capacity to handle the complexity of magic."

"Hey at least I can think before I answer a question!"

"Okay. **Bye**." I turn to leave.

"No wait!"

"Sigh. What now?"

"I just wanted to say, a mage once told me that if you use a tiny pinch of magic and believe in magic, all your dreams will come true!"

"You know what, honestly, I don't even want to know what you are dreaming for." I turn to leave before he can answer.

I'm stopping here so I can rest and think… You know what I just though why didn't we just have Colm come back here and give us a report on the enemy instead of annoying the crap out of us? Oh my god never mind I'm going to rest now.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 9

Location: Siege on Renvall

Weather: It's sunny and yellow like bananas

Today I'm sitting out on the battle. Paul told me I have too much "levels" and "experience points" already. Either he's comparing us to a game or he's just nuts.

I hope someone gets hit by those one of those ballistae. They have really bad accuracy though. If those archers in the ballistae think they're going to hit us without aiming as they take their nap, then they must be really, _really_, dumb.

I'm just sitting here on this little hill with the other people that have to wait. The battle looks okay so far. Wow they actually hit us with those ballistae. Who ever thought they'd hit us during nap time?

Ross is taking all the kills from everyone. Paul told us he just "upgraded" and he needs more experience. Also, Garcia is teaching Ross how to swim.

Actually, on second thought, this battle isn't going so well.

Moulder and Natasha run around the battle trying to take each others heals.

Moulder, "I have more healing experience than you!"

Natasha, "No, I have more healing experience than _you_!"

Moulder, "No I do!"

Natasha, "_I_ do!"

Moulder, "**_I do_**!"

Natasha , "**_I do_**!"

Joshua slaps them both.

"Will you two stop acting like children?"

Natasha heals Moulder then herself.

"Ha! Now _I _have more healing experience than you!"

Moulder, "Aw…"

Garcia and Ross are by a river.

Garcia, "Okay son, swimming is easy! All you have to do is go in and move your arms like this!"

Ross, "Um, okay dad!" Ross jumps in and sinks. He emerges from the water and then splashes around.

Ross, "Help! Help! I'm drowning!"

Garcia, "Hold on son!"

Garcia throws a circular tube at Ross.

"Grab onto it son!"

Ross grabs the tube, but pulls it, causing Garcia to fall in next to Ross

Garcia, "Oh my god! Now we're both drowning! Help! Help!"

"I thought you knew how to swim!"

Garcia, "I don't know how to! I lied! But who cares! We're drowning!"

Ross, "Oh right…… Help! Help! We're drowning!"

Neimi and Colm are talking.

Neimi, "Hello Colm!"

Colm "What do you think your doing?"

"Um… I was just greeting you…"

"This is a _battlefield_ Neimi! You don't greet people in a battlefield!"

"Sniff… I'm sorry…"

"What? Why are you crying _now_? This we're still on the battlefield!"

"Sorry…"

"You're the same ever since we were kids. You would always tag along me tripping and crying."

"Yeah… but you're the one who made me cry…"

"Oh my **god**…"

Franz rides his horse through the enemies and attacks.

Franz, "Take that!"

A Mercenary takes his hit.

"Ack!"

"Take that!"

"Ow!"

"And take this!"

"Ouchies!" The mercenary dies.

Franz, "Hahaha! Ph34r my L33T skillz!"

Seth, "What are you talking about?"

Franz, "I'm t4lking 4bou7 L33T."

Seth, "What's L33T?"

Franz, "It's this thing you know when you like… p4wnz som3on3… you know? Like th!s…" Franz does something with his hands.

Seth, "Erm… like so?"

Franz, "Hm… Not bad, but it needs a little work."

Eirika goes to the boss.

Murray, "Hahaha! You can't beat me because I'm the horse-boss-man!"

Eirika, "You stole that song from the gingerbread man!"

Murray, "Yeah, but no one said I couldn't!"

Eirika, "How dare you insult the gingerbread man! I'm going to kill you with my rapier! It does good damage against you!" Eirika charges with rapier in hand.

Paul shouts from somewhere behind her, "No! Eirika! Don't! Your rapier only has one use and won't do enough damage to kill him! Plus you only have seven health-"

Murray, "Hahahaha- **Ow**! Grrrr……" Murray takes his lance and hits Eirika.

Eirika, "Ow…" Eirika collapses.

Paul, "Never mind… **retreat**!"

Vanessa takes Eirika and we run.

Franz, "Hey guys check it out!"

Seth rides into the middle of the group wearing a beanie and armor that has reads Ph34r m4 L33T skillz printed in the middle.

Seth, "I'm L33T n0w! H4h4h4! Now k33p m4rch!ng!

Everyone groans because now Seth is bossy and annoying.

Ross, "Hey wait! We're _still_ drowning! Help!"

Garcia, "I don't wanna die! I'm too old to die!"

Well that was a stupid battle. I can't believe Eirika was that stupid to charge him because of Murray, or whatever that idiot's name was, copying some stupid song about a cookie. Who makes a song about cookies that walk and run, then die in a lake? Whatever. Tomorrow I get to go to battle. Hooray. Not. I'm probably just going to kill off two, three people then go back to camp. It gets annoying when your in a battle with idiots yelling their heads off at each other.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 10

Location: You know where we are. If not, your really retarded

Weather: It's cloudy. The color of something not yellow

I'm just going to skip an introduction paragraph and go skip on to what happened during today's battle.

Ross swims around in the water.

"Yay! I can swim now!"

A fish splashes out of the water and then back in the water in front of Ross.

"Hey, cool! There are fish in here!"

A bigger fish splashes again. Then a larger one. Then a fish larger than Ross jumps out and swallows Ross.

"Oh my god! Ahh!" Ross is swallowed.

Garcia, "Noooo! Why does this keep happening to my son!"

Gilliam, "You mean getting swallowed by fish?"

"No! I mean why does he always get injured an stuff! Por quuuuuue!"

Gilliam, "I didn't know you were Spanish…"

"Sniff… I' not!"

Gilliam, "Erm okay… I'm just going to leave now…"

Garcia, "Sniff……..Wait! Come back! My son needs help! I can't go in the water and save my son! I can't swim!"

Somewhere else Artur and I are fighting off some soldiers.

Artur, "Hey Lute, what do you think of this?"

I fend of someone, "Of what?"

Artur, "You know, this!"

"I don't know what _this_ is Artur. You can't just expect me to know."

Artur, "Sorry. I just thought we had this friendship telepathy thing."

"……That's not the point Artur!"

"Oh yeah. So what do you think of our job?"

"Our job of what"

"Being in this army."

"It's alright I guess. There are idiots in this army, but at least I get paid."

Artur, "Do you think we get paid enough?"

"Yeah. I get paid 100 gold every five minutes in battle."

"What? I only get 10 gold every five minutes in battle!"

"Well, I guess you don't kill enough people."

Artur, "What do you mean?"

"Well, all you do is warn people to be cautious and stuff. And you put "Do not step here" signs that people just trip on. Oh. Maybe that's why your pay is so low."

Artur, "Aw man. I should stop being so cautious and all. But it's like… In my blood to warn people!"

"Well, then here's when you stop. Starting, now."

"I don't think I can handle the pressure!"

"Just don't do anything that involves annoying the crap out of me."

"Okay! I'll try!" Artur stands there and glances at a rock. We stand there for a few seconds.

Artur, "Agh! I can't help it!" Artur runs over to the rock and puts a Warning sign on it.

I watch and I say to myself, "Oh my god…"

Eirika is with Garcia, who managed to get Ross back near Murray.

Eirika, "Okay! I'm going to kill him now! This is for the ginger bread man, the snow man cookie, and the animal crackers too!" Eirika charges, but is held back by Seth.

Seth, "Um, sorry. I was ordered to hold you back, Princess Eirika."

Eirika, "Let me go! I can take him! Just let me have five minutes!"

Seth, "Sorry, Princess. I can't do that."

Eirika screams like a little kid having a tantrum.

Eirika, "No fair! You never let me do anything by myself! You don't let me go to parties, you never allow me to cross the street, I can't even put the frozen waffles in the toaster, _and_ you never let me take a bath by _myself_!"

Everyone stares at Seth.

Seth, "Erm… she's _lying_…"

Garcia goes up to Murray.

"Hey Murray! I got a steel axe while you have a javelin equipped!"

Murray, "Oh my god! He has a steel axe while I'm only equipped with a javelin!"

Garcia does a critical hit on Murray. Murray Collapses on the ground with The steel axe embedded in his nervous system.

Eirika escapes Seth's grasp and runs over to the dead Murray.

"Hahaha! You suck Murray!" Eirika kicks Murray in the head where the axe is embedded in his nervous system. Murray's leg kicks Eirika very, very, hard in the shin.

Eirika, "Ow my **_shin_**!"

Seth, "See I told you would get injured if I let you go!"

Eirika, "Sniff… I'm sorry."

Seth, "Oh it's okay. Is the baby alright?"

Eirika, "Yes… But… I got a booboo on my leg!"

Seth, "Don't worry, we'll bring you to the healers tent! Then your booboo will be all better!"

Eirika, "Yay! Can we get ice cream too?"

Seth, "Why not?"

Eirika, "Yay!" Eirika hugs Seth.

We all stare at Seth.

Seth, "What? You've never seen an adult talk to a child before?"

We all sigh and set up a camp by the fort.

Yeah, well that was actually very funny. And embarrassing for Eirika probably seeing that she's sometimes treated like a baby.

I wonder why bad things always happen to Ross. Must be a curse or something passed down by Garcia. Well, I'm going to bed now. I hope Artur and Paul can stop using their "Gamecube" that they insist I play with them. I don't want to become too attached and become like them. Which is Artur, the protective guy and Paul, the guy that drinks a lot of lemon soda.

Prodigy, Lute

* * *

Well, that was one of my long chapters. You won't see that in a while. I hope this racks up a few reviews. Please review! 


	3. Entries 11 to 15

Well, thanks for the reviews folks. I have lots of hits already, but few reviews. Oh well. But please leave a review. That would be appreciated.

* * *

Day 11

Location: If you seriously don't remember than you are retarded

Weather: It's night

Tomorrow we're going to go into the castle and _try_ not to get killed. I hope so. Eirika really must want to see her brother so badly. Apparently she'll even have one glimpse at him before we all die. Wow, what a great army commander. Not.

Right now I'm just sitting in my tent with Artur, Paul, Colm, and Ross. They're playing this game called Zelda Four Swords Adventure. Actually they're literally playing it. All four of them liked the game so much, that they dressed up as Links and are running around camp annoying us like hell. Here's what they're doing.

Artur, Colm, Ross, and Paul run around camp with swords and shields.

Ross, "Hurry! Throw bombs into the monster's tent!"

All four throw bombs into a tent. **Boom**. The tent goes on fire and Gilliam runs out in his armor.

Gilliam, "What the hell do you men think your doing!"

Paul, "Oh my god! It's the evil monster!"

Artur, "Get into block formation!"

All four form two rows with two in front and two in the back.

Ross, "_Charge_!"

Gilliam, "What the- Ack! What the flux are you guys doing?"

Colm, "Go for the weak spot!"

They all hit Gilliam with their shields down "there."

Gilliam, "**Urgh**! **Oh my**-**_Crap_**!" Gilliam falls over and puts his hands down "there."

Paul, "Hahaha! The monster is defeated!"

"Yeah!"

All four spin their swords and hold them up.

Colm, "Now let's go in the tent for the treasure!"

All four go in Gilliam's tent and take some of his stuff.

Ross, "Let's move on!"

"Yeaaah!"

Gilliam, "Urgh! Wait! Come back here! Ow!" Gilliam continues to lie on the floor.

Ross, "Let's all push this giant tent!"

Colm, "Yeah! Come on guys!"

All four push a really big tent. The sound of weapons falling from shelves can be heard. Suddenly our supply manager Steve comes out.

Steve, "What the heck are you guys doing!"

Artur, "I can see some stuff under the tent! Keep pushing!"

The four push the tent which then collapses as they find some gold under the tent.

Steve, "No! I just finished organizing everything!"

Paul, "Woohoo! More gold!"

Everyone comes out of their tent.

Eirika, "What the heck are you guys doing!"

Seth, "I believe they're causing havoc."

Eirika, "Hush! I know that already!"

Seth, "But you just asked-"

Eirika, "I said Hush!"

Paul, "Uh-oh. This doesn't look good."

Eirika, "If you guys don't stop we're going to have to make you stop by force!"

Almost all of us except me surround the four.

Ross, "Cross formation!"

All four face all four directions.

Artur, "You can't stop us!"

Paul, "Yeah!"

Colm, "Cause we have to power to repel evil!" All four hold up their swords which start to glow orange.

Eirika, "What the heck are you guys talking about? The evil is in _that_ castle in which we are going to attack tomorrow!"

Colm "It's time for our special attack!"

All four hold their swords then in a few seconds start spinning together like a tornado.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Joshua, "Holy crap- run away!"

Franz, "Ahhhhh!"

Seth, "Hurry! We're going to get hit!"

The four continue spinning hitting everyone in their path until everyone is knocked down.

Ross, "Huff… huff… so dizzy…"

Colm, "I feel like I'm going to throw up…"

Paul, "I can see stars!"

Artur, "Losing… all… consciousness…."

The four fall on the ground.

I emerge from my tent.

"Woah. What happened here? It looks like a tornado hit."

Well it looks like everyone's going to be sleeping outside today. Except me I guess. Hehehe. If Artur, Paul, Ross, And Colm use that tornado thing in the castle we probably won't need to fight.

Prodigy, Lute.

Day 12

Location: Inside Fort Renvall

Weather: We're inside. The ceiling has a leak though

We're inside Renvall now and apparently we're supposed to find Eirika's brother Ephraim and his two companions. We're waiting right now because some guy named Tirado locked us out and is waiting for the right moment to attack us.

So here we are inside this castle that was supposedly hard to get inside of. It wasn't that hard. Actually it was a piece of cake. There weren't much enemies when we came here in the first place. I think Grado's getting lazy now.

When we met this guy named Orson. He betrayed us though. So now that's why we're fighting. Here are some oh-so-very funny scenarios that have or are happening.

We walk into the castle we Eirika and Seth see Orson.

Eirika, "Orson?"

Orson, "Princess Eirika! Your brother needs help!"

Eirika, "Oh my god! My brother! He's in danger!"

Seth, "Um, Orson? I'm just asking, but if you were with Prince Eprhaim, then why are you here?"

Orson, "Um, I escaped because I had a weapon snuck in my armor to break the chains."

Seth, "Uh… Okay. Suuuure."

Orson, "Yeah… anyways, follow me!"

We follow Orson for about fifteen seconds.

Seth, "Um, Orson?"

Orson, "Uh…. Yeah?"

Seth, "If you had a weapon… why didn't you use it to free the Prince also?"

Orson, "Uh……Because it only had one use on it?"

Seth, "Also… Where were you during the fourth of July! When Renais was under siege!"

Orson, "Uh… I was celebrating! Um… the fourth of July!"

Seth, "The jig is up Orson!"

Eirika, "Yeah! Whatever a jig is… but its up!"

Orson, "Sob… Alright! It was me who stole from the cookie jar on the fourth of July then ran away! And I'd do it again if I had the chance and another cookie jar to steal from!"

Seth, "Why Orson?"

Garcia, "Yeah! Por que Senor Orson?"

Ross, "Dad, can you please stop speaking Spanish? It's offending the Spanish readers!"

Garcia, "Huh? What readers? **What readers**! I don't see anyone reading us!"

Ross, "Never mind, Dad…"

A brick from the ceiling falls on Ross.

Ross, "Ow! What the hell was that from!"

The whole ceiling above Ross collapses on him.

Ross, "Hmf! Help! I'm buried in a pile of rocks!"

Garcia, "No! My son! Por quuuuuuuuue!"

Anyways back to the point…

Orson, "It's because of my wife that died! You guys didn't give her a proper funeral! You just chucked her body into the river and _then_ your little princess threw rocks at her right after!"

Seth glares at Eirika.

Eirika, "Uh… sorry?"

Seth, "Orson you didn't have to go through with thi- wait a second… you said you stole from the cookie jar?"

Orson, "Uh yeah?"

Seth, "You stole _my_ cookies? My special batch of triple chocolate chip cookies I made for Ephraim and Eirika!"

Eirika, "Those were my favorite!"

Orson, "Yeah! And I'd do it again! And again and again and **_again_**!"

Seth, "That's it traitor! Your 4ss iz g0!ng t0 b3 Ownz3r3d! L33T s7yl3!"

Franz, "Y34h! You giv3 it to h!m G3n3r3l S3th!"

Orson, "No! Not the L33T! Anything but the L33t!"

Tirado comes from behind. It's okay Orson you can go now and be with "her."

Orson, "Really? Yay!"

Tirado, "Now we're going to attack you now so ba bye!"

Tirado runs away and locks the doors up.

Seth, "G3t b4ck h3re you 3v!l cook!3 e4ting monzt3r!"

Franz, "Yeah! G3t b4ck h3r3 and f4c3 the ownzing L33T!"

Yeah… So now we're waiting for them to open those stupid doors. Joshua is gambling with Gilliam and Colm right now. Artur is putting "Caution this area is slippery" signs over spots and Seth is baking cookies… with an easy bake oven? I never even knew he _had_ an easy bake oven. Just shows you his sensitive side. And that sensitive side is really, really, disturbing.

I'm really bored now. It's been about two hours and they still haven't opened those damn doors. I swear if they don't open it I'm going to go crazy. We have Colm trying to pick the locks, but every time he picks it there's_ another _door. Also Ross is still buried in those bricks. Everyone now is trying to help Ross out. A few other people and I are just watching everyone. There really isn't anything to write about so I'm going to stop here.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 13

Location: Where do you _think_ we are

Weather: What do you _think _

Well, it's been about four hours since that last entry now. They already opened the doors though. Apparently they were figuring what armor to wear. Took them long enough. We're fighting off the enemies now and it's too easy.

I have to sit this fight out again. Paul said my levels are "maxed out" already and that I should let others gain some levels. There he is comparing us to video games yet again.

Here's what everyone's doing right now.

Seth walks around with a platter of cookies.

"Who wants triple chocolate chip cookies with extra sugar?"

Ross who is wearing a cast jumps.

"I do! I do!"

Seth hands out cookies to people and Ross.

Ross, "Wow these are good!" Ross takes a bite.

Ross, "Ack! I'm choking! Blergh! Blee! Blech! Bloo! Blemshark!" Ross falls over.

Garcia, "No! Not again! Someone help my son! Can anyone do the hi-lift maneuver!"

Every one shakes their head.

Garcia, "Looks like I have to do this!" Garcia puts his son on his back.

Garcia, "Breath darn you!" Garcia begins punching Ross in the heart.

Ross, "Urgh! Ack! Egh! Eeeg! Ergh! Eke-eker!" Ross coughs up the cookie.

Garcia, "Hooray!"

Ross, "Ow… I'm okay…"

Somewhere else Colm is fighting off a knight.

Colm, "Take this!" Colm stabs.

Knight, "Urgh!" Knight falls on top of Colm. "Look! Oh ma goood! Look what accidentally happened!"

Colm, "What the- get off me you gay ass!" Colm stabs at him.

Knight, "Urgh!" Knight dies.

Colm, "Now… how to get him off…"

Joshua, "And take this!" Joshua slashes someone who falls on top of the knight on Colm.

Colm, "Urgh! Too heavy!"

Joshua, "Huh? I think I heard a ghost…"

Colm, "It's me you dumbass!"

Joshua, "I think it's my great-grandfather again making fun of me! Well it's not working you old fart!"

Colm, "Why you son of a whore!"

Joshua, "My mommy wasn't a whore! Even though she got pregnant with me on accident when she was sixteen!"

Colm, "Oh my god…"

Joshua, "God? You mean you've met god great-gradfather! Wow! I'm sorry!"

Colm, "You know what? Never mind I'll just lie here."

Joshua, "Your going to lie in front of God in heaven! About what! I take that apology back! You sick bastard!"

Colm, "….."

Joshua, "That's right you got nothing to say! Now stay away from me!" Joshua runs away.

Colm, "Well that was fun…"

Joshua, "I heard that!"

Colm, "Eep!"

Joshua, "And that!"

Ephraim walks down with Kyle and Forde down a hall.

Ephraim, "I need to find my sister! I need to find my sister!"

Kyle, "Calm down Prince Ephraim…"

Forde is eating an apple, "Yeah what he said."

Kyle, "Forde, we're in the middle of a battle! This isn't the time to be eating apples!"

Forde, "Do you want one?"

Kyle, "**No**."

Ephraim, "I think I see her! Sister! Over here!"

Eirika, "Oh my god! It's my brother!"

Eprhaim, "Brother!"

Eirika, "Sister!"

**Glomp**!

Kyle, "Wow. How touching. Now let's get back to the battle."

Ephraim, "How can you be so cruel Kyle? I'm expressing my sensitivity!"

Kyle, "Yeah, yeah. You did. Now let's get back the battle."

Ephriam, "Sigh. Alright."

Forde, "Hey Eprhaim! Wanna have a juicy apple?"

Ephraim, "Yeah! Apple good!" Eprhaim grabs apple and runs off.

Eirika, "Wait! Brother! Get back here!"

Artur puts a final Caution sign.

I go up to him.

"Artur? How many of those fluxing signs do you have?"

Artur, "Um… a lot…"

"You need therapy or something Artur."

"Maybe I do…"

"Did you fall on a safety mat when you were a kid?"

"Actually yes… I did…"

"Well no wonder your so fluxing careful."

Artur, "Maybe I should be evil then… But on the good guy side… I declare myself evil right now! I'm going to be bad to the bone!"

Somewhere behind a wall.

An Elf goes up to Santa.

Elf, "Santa! Artur just declared himself evil! Should we put him on the naughty list?"

Santa, "No, he'll get over it."

Back to the point.

"Um Artur, I've known you for a long time. And I've seen your X-rays. There isn't **_one_** bad bone in your body."

Artur, "Sigh… your right… This scanning chart told me I was 99 percent good and 1 percent hot gas…"

"Whatever… You definitely need professional help."

At the throne room…

Seth, "I'm h3r3 Tir4do!"

Franz, "4nd h3 h4z hiz L33T P4rtn3r wi7h him!"

Tirado, "You can't beat me… because I'm more L33T than you!"

Seth, "Prov3 !t."

Tirado, "U Zux0rz!'m 7h3 83z7 L33T g3n3r4l 4R0und! I 4m !nv!nc48l3! H4h4h4!"

Franz, "Oh my g0d! H3'z m0r3 L33T th4n uz!"

Seth, "Run!"

Garcia, "Oh my god… you guys suck." Garcia reaches into his pocket. "Look what I got Tirado!" Shows him a book.

Tirado, "A book?"

Garcia, "Not just any book… a dictionary! The dictionary that shows every word and their origin!"

Tirado, "N03z! My L33T m1nd c4n'7 h4ndl3 7h3 p0w3rz of c0mpl3x n0n-L33T w0rdz!"

Garcia, "Take this! Complementarily!"

Tirado falls on his knees, "4ck!"

Garcia, "Indubitably!"

Tirado, "My L33T Iz dra!n!ng!"

Garcia, "And now take **this**! Super-cali-fragil-istic-expial-idocious!"

Tirado, "4ck! A l0ng m4d3 up word! Nooooo!" Tirado explodes into random letters and numbers.

Garcia, "You can't beat me!"

Everyone joins in

"Because knowledge power!"

Well, that was fun. We're just sitting around now waiting for orders.

Super-cali-fragil-istic-expial-idocious? I don't even know of that's a word or not. If it is I wonder how long the definition is.

Well, I'm bored now. I don't want to write about how these imbeciles embarrass themselves in a number of ways so I'll stop here.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 14

Location: We've been here for a while now so you should be now. If not, your definitely are **retarded**

Weather: It's raining, but we're inside. Well rain is coming from the spot in which the ceiling collapsed on Ross.

Guess what? We finally get to stay indoors instead of the smelly, dirty, and disgusting ground. This just makes Colm, Franz, Ross, and Artur, aka the Dungeons and Dragons drips, excited because they get to play in somewhere that actually seems like a dungeon. And even worse, they're going to play with the whole castle. As in they're going to be walking around annoying the crap out of us with terms that don't exist.

So here we all are waiting for the Tweetle dee, tweetle dum, tweetle, dumber, and tweetle dumbest to burst in our doors, take our supplies/gold/treasure/whatever and run away. Well, actually not me because since Artur considers me his best friend they're not going to take any of my stuff. Woo hoo.

I'm in a room with Paul and Natasha right now. Yeah those are my roommates. Artur is our roommate too, but he's off playing somewhere with his little clique.

Paul is using his lap top with Natasha right now. Oh wow. Right now they just discovered that they're very, very, long lost cousins. Sympathy moment right now with them. Okay it just ended when Paul knocked over his bottle of Sunkist and started sobbing. He must really love that carbonated liquid. That was really random.

Well, I'm going to stop here so I can watch the Dungeon and Dragons club of four wreak havoc then write about it in a few hours.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 15

Location: I'm not even going to repeat what I said yesterday

Weather: Still not repeating

Well, that was _sort_ of hilarious watching them play and annoy the hell out of everyone. I'm going to start writing about it now before I forget about it.

Colm, Ross, Artur, and Franz walk down a hall silently with me and Paul following them about ten feet behind them.

Colm, "The halls are dark and daunting. You each feel a weird evil aura as if something evil is about to happen. Even the bravest of you are frightened!"

Ross, "Oh-my-god! Oh-my-god! Something bad is going to happen! Something bad is going to happen! Gah!" Ross jumps on Franz's back.

Franz, "_Ack_! _Choking_! _Can't breath_!"

Artur, "Eep too scary…"

Colm, "Suddenly… a giant behemoth approaches you from afar! But do not fret. He does not sense you yet."

Gilliam comes from down the hall.

Gilliam "Yaawn… So tired. Guard duty is terrible. Maybe I can rest in the hallway or something. Better thought. Go to sleep on the ground. I like that idea. Dum de dum de dum…"

Ross, "Attack him!" Ross jumps on Gilliam's back from behind a statue.

Gilliam ""_Ack_! _Choking_! _Can't breath_!"

Franz, "Face my song of doom!" Franz plays something on a flute. It is really, _really_, terrible and really, _really_, painful to your eardrums.

Gilliam, "_My ears! Ack they're choking! No wait! Ack no my throat is choking! Ack!_"

Artur grabs a bag from Gilliam's belt.

"Hey! A vulnerary and 500 gold!"

Gilliam, "_Ears in pain! Can't breath! Can't afford anything anymore!_" Gilliam faints.

Colm, "Woo hoo! You have slain the evil behemoth!"

Ross, "I take his metal armor boots and helmet!"

Franz, "I take the body armor!"

Artur, "And I take… uh… his life insurance!"

Colm, "Alright! Let's move on!"

I walk by and look down at Gilliam. I kick him and follow the group.

They leave Gilliam who is wearing only his boxers and T-shirt.

Colm, "Now we find a door that is locked… There is a spot in which you put a key right in the middle of the door. Above the spot shows a person on it, aka the hint. What do you do?"

Ross, "I study the door!"

Colm rolls a dice on whatever to see what he studies, "You study it and you find out that it resembles your father."

Ross, "You mean my dad?"

Colm, "Bingo."

Franz, "Maybe we should see his father then."

Artur, "Let's go to his father!"

All four walk down the hall cautiously and open the door to Garcia's room. The room is completely empty. Until… Garcia walks out of the shadows!

Garcia, "I have been waiting for you four- erm I mean three…"

Artur, "We came to see you about this door we found that has a picture of someone resembling you on it."

Franz, "Yeah. You got a key we can fight you for or steal from you and then run away?"

Garcia, "Well… maybe… We fight then"

Garcia takes out a foam axe and hits Artur in the side.

Artur, "Ack!"

Colm, "Gasp! That's about 26 damage! You fall Artur!"

Artur fakes, "Ack! Blech!" Artur pretends to collapse.

Franz, "Don't worry! I'll revive you Artur!" Franz starts playing his flute again.

Colm, "You have played something very terribly that resembles Funky Town! This old song strengthens Garcia, for he is from the age from which that evil song came from!"

A disco ball pops out of no where and Garcia suddenly is wearing a disco outfit and starts swaying his hips while dancing.

Garcia, "Won't you take me to… **_funky town_**! Won't you take me to… funky **_town_**…"

Colm is seen wearing earmuffs.

Colm, "The song is so loud, that you are paralyzed!"

Franz is already on the ground trying to cover his ears.

Franz, "My ears! I can't hear anything! I don't want to go to funky town! I don't wanna take you! Ah!"

Ross is the only one able to fight and stands there grabbing his foam hatchet. Garcia is wearing his normal cloths now.

Garcia, "Now it's only us Ross."

Ross, "Gasp! How do you know my name!"

Garcia, "No questions! We fight! And rap!"

They start clashing their foam axes making light saber noises. Colm takes out a radio and begins playing Rap style background music. Ross and Garcia begin fighting but rap at the same time. I enter the room and go next to Colm sitting on the floor.

"Do you honestly have to do that?"

"Well. Now it's a battle of rapping. That's Garcia's one weakness!"

"That, honestly, is the stupidest weakness I have ever heard come out of someone's mouth."

Garcia, "Good! Now release your anger! You'll be some terrible danger!"

Ross starts fighting with more anger falling for his trap. Garcia slashes at Ross's hand.

Ross, "Ow! Why'd you slice off my hand" Ross drops the fake hand pretending that he actually lost a hand.

Garcia, "Tell me more about your father! So I can understand your bothers!"

Ross, "I was told enough! I was told you killed _him_!"

Garcia, "No Ross. Let me tell me the truth that I'm your father! I'm ya father! I'm your father! I'm ya father!"

Ross, "Noooooo- wait a second… Oh no your right."

The music comes to an abrupt stop.

Garcia, "Woops… I guess you defeated me son."

Ross, "Hooray!"

Franz, "Hey I can move again!"

Artur gets up from his badly faked death.

"And I'm alive again!"

Garcia, "Well here's your key. Now get out of here I didn't even want to do this."

We are all scurried out of the door and the door is slammed right after us.

I blink and say, "Well that was pointless."

We head to the door and Ross opens the lock.

Ross, "This is it! This it! I'm so excited!"

Colm, "The room you enter is full of evil! You can tell from the markings on the wall!"

I interrupt, "Colm, the room is pink. And there are _bunnies_ on the wall."

Colm takes a marker and makes one of the bunny's eye evil looking.

Colm, "They're evil bunnies though!"

I sigh.

Eirika comes from out of a room wearing a bathrobe with Seth following close behind.

Seth, "Alright Eirika! It's time to dry your hair with the blow dryer!"

Eirika, "Yay! It's the wind blowing thing!"

We all sweat droplet.

Seth, "Huh? **Crap**! What the flux are you guys doing here!"

Ross, "We came to find a bounty full of treasure!"

Franz, "Yeah! But we don't mind watching this for a while. Continue."

Seth, "No! Get the flux out! Don't make me make you!"

Eirika, "Hooray! Entertainment!" Seth is oblivious to her cheer.

Ross, "Oh no! We have to face to evil yelling sweaty monster!"

Seth twitches.

Seth, "Sweaty! That's it!

I chuckle. "This should be funny."

The following was humorlessly violent. It was so humorlessly violent, that I can't write about it. So I'll skip ahead.

The door slams on us.

Seth, "And stay out!"

Eirika, "Seth? My hair is all frizzy now!"

Seth, "We'll wash your hair then again!"

Eirika, "Hooray! Bath time again!"

I twitch.

"Oh my fluxing god."

Ross, "Well… hey guys! Guess what I managed to take!" Ross holds up a book.

Franz opens it revealing pictures of Seth with Eirika.

Artur, "It's a photo album."

Colm, "Oh my god! Hahaha! Is he taking a **_bath_** with her!"

I turn away.

"You guys know what? I want my brain cells to live so I'm going to leave." I walk away but I can still see them.

Franz, "Holy crap! Seth is **_dressing_** her!"

Artur, "She's being taught how to ride a bike?"

Franz, "I remember that!"

Suddenly Seth's room shakes as the four sit outside of the room.

"**Where the flux is the album!"**

Colm, "Flux! Leave the book and cheese it!"

Franz, "Cheese it?"

Colm, "It means **run**!"

Yeah well, maybe it wasn't as funny as I remembered. Oh well. Oh yeah Franz told me how Eirika learned how to ride a bike, which was only a few weeks before Renais was invaded. It was actually sort of funny.

Seth and Eirika are outside. Eirika tries riding a two-wheeled bike, but falls yet again.

Eirika, "Sniff… Seth? I can't do it! I can't do it right! I'll never be able to ride my bike!"

Seth, "Oh don't worry! Here! I'll give you one of my special cookies of you do!"

Eirika, "Really?… Yay!" Eirika tries again with success. "Hey Seth! I'm not degrading myself in public anymore!"

Everyone points and laughs at Seth at the park.

Seth, "Erm… Okay… Let's just go home now…"

Well, I think I should go to bed now. It was a really tiring night following the nerds to see if anything funny would happen. Yeah my writing hand needs a break. I hope Artur doesn't do any dungeons and dragons thing when he comes in the room while me, Natasha, and Paul are asleep.

Prodigy, Lute

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Sorry readers if the chapter was crappy. I think it's crappy. I just want to use my ideas in the other chapters. I even made a notebook in which I write my ideas in for little scenes or what could become a bigger scene. And I guess this one was longer than I expected it would be. So sorry if you didn't like it. Oh and leave a review! Please don't flame me! 


	4. Entries 16 to 20

Hi, readers. I forgot that I accidentally set the reviewing to logged on people only. Maybe that explains why I don't have much reviews. Hehe. Thanks a bunch for the reviews I have though! I hope this was long enough for you guys. Leave a review on your way out!

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Day 16 

Location: Somewhere between Adlas Plains and Serafew

Weather: Foggy as always around here

So now we're back on the road away from the castle. Everyone's complaining about wanting to go back for baths/food/rest/fooling around.

According to Moulder we're heading to Frelia for this party because we found Ephraim and other things. Personally, I think parties are okay, but usually the idiots are invited. Aka our group.

Everyone's supposed to keep walking until we reach the inn in Serafew. That does nothing but make our feet hurt. And the horses too. Seth and Franz are using those leather whips on their horses. I feel sorry for them… Okay it's gone. Luckily there's an arena at Serafew. Maybe I should head there and make some arena money and get experience points. Paul said we should do that and have Natasha and Moulder level up since they can't fight or go in arenas. If a healer went into an arena I think they'd fight another healer. I can't imagine how'd they beat the brains out of each other. They'd need a brain sergeon to put their brains back.

I don't think Eirika wants Seth treating her like a baby anymore. She's all fed up and saying "I'm a big girl now! I don't need you to hold my hand! Wah!" Well, she's acting like a baby right now. Seriously, she complains _a lot_. Seth is just being stubborn because he likes her the way she is. I bet 20 years from now Seth is going to be feeding Eirika. With baby food. In a high chair. Yeah that'd be really odd.

Everyone's still complaining, but Eirika's not going to fall for it again. Oh well too bad for the people on foot. We can probably hold out until we reach Serafew. Unless Ross gets hit by a horse. Or even worse a horse with horse-shoes.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 17

Location: Close to Serafew

Weather: It's okay if you don't mind rain. Which I don't

Well, somehow a horse _with_ horse-shoes passed by. Actually it was herd. Of horses. With horse-shoes. _Large_ horse-shoes. Yeah… The horses just stampeded right over Ross. Now he's got a broken spine, spleen, ankle, wrist, jaw, and skull.

So thanks to Ross, we all have to camp out instead of staying in a nice mattress and a feather stuffed pillow. Plus a soft blanket.

Joshua is pissed off because Kyle and Ephraim like Natasha. Natasha is all "Oh I'm so flattered" and "Oh my…" She really must like the attention. Here's their situation.

Joshua walks up to Natasha.

Joshua, "Hey Natasha… Wanna to go… on a walk?" Raises eyebrows a lot and then starts winking uncontrollably.

Natasha blushes and replies, "Um… Joshua? I think you got something in your eye…"

Kyle comes out of nowhere then shouts, "Hey! Joshua! I saw her first!"

Ephraim approaches them.

Eprhaim, "No, I did! I saw her first! She's my property!"

Natasha, "Um…"

Kyle, "What are you talking about? She is not. Your. _Property_!"

Joshua, "Yeah! Kyle and I saw her first so she's _our_ property!"

Kyle whacks Joshua in the side of his head.

Joshua, "Ow! What was that for!"

Kyle, "For being an idiot!"

Joshua, "Okay men, we'll have to do this the old fashioned way!"

Eprhaim, "Which is what Mr. Property-stealer?"

Joshua, "We play to see who gets her!"

Kyle, "Sounds fair."

Eprhaim nods with his hand on his chin.

Eprhaim, "Yeah… that is a good idea!"

Natasha, "Hello! The prize is being ignored!"

Kyle, "So… how are we going to do it?"

Joshua, "By roach, nuclear bomb, and foot!"

Eprhaim, "Don't you mean rock, paper, scissors?"

Joshua, "Hey it's _my_ game and _my_ rules."

Kyle, "Erm… okay…"

Joshua, "Okay. Here's what beats what. These are the hands." Joshua makes scissors for roach, fist for nuclear bomb, and a flat hand for foot. "Roach survives nuclear bomb, nuclear bomb kills foot, and foot squashes roach. Got it?"

Ephraim makes the symbols. "Um… I think so."

Kyle does the same. "Yeah I'm okay with it."

Joshua, "Okay when we all say foot you throw a hand."

"Roach, bomb, foot!"

They all throw their hands in having roach.

Joshua, "Erm… do it again!"

"Roach, bomb, foot!"

They all throw their hands again showing that they all picked nuclear bomb.

Natasha blinks. "Again I presume?"

Kyle, "Grr…"

"Roach, bomb, foot!"

They all throw their hands in yet again. They all have foot.

Eprhaim, "Oh my god. This is going no where!"

Joshua, "Okay guys. We all have to pick a different one this time!"

Kyle, "Yeah!"

Eprhaim twitches. "Fine!"

"Roach, bomb, foot!"

They throw their hands in _again,_ but they _all_ have roach.

Joshua, "This is going to take a while…"

Natasha giggles and walks away as they continue throwing their hands in.

Yeah, well I bet this is going to take a while for them. That was probably the only interesting think happening today. I'm in my tent now and Artur and Paul are now playing an Xbox. I have no idea where they get these things. They're playing this game called Halo. What I can get is that in the story these dumb aliens and dumb humans have are having a war about some stupid mechanical planet ring that the dumb aliens are trying to fire so that they can kill all life so that when all life in a something-mile radius are dead, these different aliens that won't be affected won't have a people/aliens to use as hosts for food. What a long run-on sentence.

Well, I gotta go do guard duty now so I'll leave tweetle dee, tweetle dumber to their little game.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 18

Location: Serafew

Weather: Sunny. No extra comments

Today we're finally resting in Serafew. We get a nice warm bed with nice soft pillows. Yay. I have to bunk with Artur, Paul, and Natasha. I wonder why we always get bunked together. Also, news flash. Paul and Natasha aren't long lost cousins. Paul went to check the name of their great-grandpa, great-great-grandpa, or great-great-great grandpa and found out that Natasha's great-great-great grandpa's name has an "a" instead of a "u." And they were just having fun spending quality time together as cousins. Well, now they aren't, so oh well. Too bad.

I went to the Arena today and gained a few levels.

I enter Arena and face my opponent, a Pegasus Knight.

Pegasus Knight, "Hahaha! I'm a Pegasus knight! We're good against puny magic users like you!"

"Yeah but I'm about 5 levels higher than you and I got a thunder book." I shock the hell out of him.

My next opponent is a Knight.

Knight, "Hahaha! I'm about 5 levels higher than you!"

"True. But you have low resistant."

Knight, "Noooo!"

I fire a fire spell at him, frying the crap out of him.

And my next opponent is a Monk.

Monk, "No! I don't wanna fight!"

"Really? I don't want to fight either."

Monk, "Really?"

"Nope." I use fire and thunder on him.

A healer comes to fight me.

"Um. If you're a healer, why are you here? Healers can't fight."

"Sob… I know! Someone just pushed me in here and forced me to bet 1000 gold!"

"Oh in that case, good bye." I cast critical fire on him repeatedly.

"Nooo!" Healer dies and I walk out about 3000 gold richer.

Well, that was fun. Especially when I killed the healer. The healer's buddies got pissed off and started throwing trash at me. That explains why I left before those healers could... uh... Never mind. Healers can't do jack squat except heal. I hope healers don't start a group against mages. I really don't want to write today because I want to spend some of my money at the shops.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 19

Location: Serafew again

Weather: Same as yesterday

Eirika and Eprhaim are taking a walk through town stating memories about the old days and such. And about this Prince named Lyon. I have to come with them because apparently, Seth is paying me to baby-sit them today. I don't think Seth likes his job of babystitting the cramp twins anymore. You can tell from his messed up hair, tired looking eyes, and lots of moments where he trips that he was stuck with the twins all night long.

Anyways, back to what happened when I started babysitting. It was crap from the beginning of it.

All three of us walk through town.

Eirika, "Lute! I want ice cream!"

Eprhaim, "Lute! I want a shake!"

Lute, "Well, you two will have to pay for it."

Eirika, "But… I dun wanna spend my money!"

Eprhaim, "Yeah! Me neither!"

Lute, "Oh god…"

The two lay on their stomachs on the ground and start a tantrum.

"We want ice cream! We want ice cream! We want ice cream with extra sprinkles!"

Everyone stairs at me like I'm a teenage parent that got pregnant at a young age.

"Sigh… that's _it_." I pick them up by their collars and drag them off into a random person's house.

"Okay. You can stay here. This is the screaming room. You can scream _all_ you want."

The twins look at each other.

Eprhaim, "But we want go out there!"

Eirika, "Yeah!"

"Well, if you two babies stop screaming I'll let you go out."

They look at each other again, then back at me.

"Hey. I have time. Talk amongst yourselves." I put my hand to lean against the wall, but accidentally put my hand on the guy's face.

Person, "Ow!"

"Woops. Sorry about that."

Eprhaim, "Okay…

Eirika, "We're sorry…"

Eprhaim, "We'll be good…"

"Good. Now follow me then. And **no** screaming or **else**."

They both swallow hard.

Well, that was pretty much what I had to go through. I eventually bought them ice cream. Seth better pay me good or he's going to be set on fire, doused, then shocked and set on fire. Right now I'm distracting them with lollipops I found on the ground so I have at least five minutes of free time to write.

I wonder how the two act like this. Maybe they were dropped on the ground when they were born. Even worse, maybe they were dropped on the ground twice. In the head. Ha. They only act like this around Seth or a baby sitter. Other wise they're stubborn hard asses. Well they finished their candy I picked up on the ground now. They want me to read them a story now. Story time.

The twins jump up and down. "Story! Story!"

"Okay. Here's a story for you babies."

"Yay!" They sit down.

I take my diary and pretend it's a story book.

"There upon a time, there once was short little elf. He took a squad of snipers to attack the rebel short little elves. But suddenly, out of the blue, a squad of rebel elves and level twenty snipers armed with killer bows attacked from the trees."

They stare up at me as a I stop.

"Are you following so far?" I said with a bored expression.

They nod oddly.

"Okay. So then they took the leader of the squad. Which was the elf in the beginning. Then they put him in the torture chamber where they whipped him, burnt him, and cut him with knives. Then finally, the rebel elves put him in through the last torture. Can you guess what it was?" I asked really, really, bored now.

Eprhaim, "Uh…"

Eirika, "Did they let him go?"

"Nope. They put him in an iron maiden. **The end**."

Eprhaim raises his hand.

"Sigh. What, Eprhaim."

Eprhaim, "What's an iron maiden?"

"It's a casket with spikes on both sides on the inside. So when they close it the person in side gets impaled with spikes in a slow, bloody, painful death."

Eirika, "That story was scary…"

"The point _was_ to scare you."

Yeah, well story time was fun. Not. They're scared now. Hahaha. I'm going to head back to the inn and put them in bed so I can get some sleep of my own. I had a very long and dumb day. Seth better pay me good. Or he's going to learn his bed and a fire spell don't mix.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 20

Location: On the road somewhere southeast of Ide

Weather: Foggy

We're nearing Frelia now which is where the party is. I hope the party isn't boring though. We should be at Frelia in like two or three days. Unless Ross gets into an accident again. Then we'd be held up _again_. Joshua, Kyle, and Eprhaim are still competing for Natasha. It's just plain stupid. They keep ending up in ties or tie breakers of whatever game they're playing. I think Natasha wants Joshua to win. Natasha really thinks it's cute how they fight over her. The three are going to end up tearing each other limb to limb if they continue this.

Finally, we're taking a break. Joshua wants to have a treasure hunt. He's making a deal that if someone finds the buried treasure that's supposedly around here, he'll give the winner half of the prize. Sounds good to me. We're splitting into teams of four now. On my team I got Colm, Artur, and Paul. Not bad. With Colm we might win. Here's the list of teams. Ross, Garcia, Neimi, Franz. Eirika, Ephraim, Kyle, and Forde.

Here's what's going on.

I look at the map with hints on it.

"It says that the first clue is by this rock."

We go to the rock and see three bottles probably for the other groups.

Colm, "Hm… hey a paper! It says to look at the tree with a fork in it. What's it mean by fork?"

I say to him, "It means it's Y shaped."

Paul drinks a can of orange soda.

Artur, "Paul! We're supposed to find the clues!"

Paul, "Yeah, but I'm thirsty! I can't help it if I'm orange-drated."

I raise my eyebrow. "Orange-drated?"

Paul, "Yeah. When I don't have Sunkist in my system."

Colm, "I got an idea to throw them off… hehehe…" Colm takes metal forks and sticks them on all the trees.

Meanwhile at another group.

Ross, "Dad! The map says the clue is by the rock!"

Garcia, "Hm… It's a ship in a bottle!"

Franz, "It's a _message_ in a bottle Garcia."

Neimi, "Um… If we don't find the treasure then what next?"

Franz, "Erm… we all blame it on… you!"

Neimi, "Huh? Why me!"

Franz, "Um… because your voted most likely to make us lose!"

Neimi, "Sob…sniff…"

Ross, "The bottle says to go find the tree with the fork in it."

Garcia points, "Look!"

Franz looks at Garcia's hand, "Gasp! A finger!"

Garcia, "No over there!"

The group looks at a tree with _real_ forks in it. They head over to it and start examining the tree.

Neimi, "…I don't see the clue…"

Franz, "Well, look _harder_."

Neimi, "Eek… okay…"

Ross, "Maybe it's inside the tree!"

Garcia, "Yeah!"

Ross chops the tree a few times. "Timbeeeeeer-**_Ack_**!" the tree falls on Ross.

Garcia, "Noooo! Why does this keep happening!"

At the third group…

Eirika picks up the bottle and reads the message from the paper.

Eirika, "It says to find the tree with the fork in it."

Ephraim, "But they all have forks in them!"

Kyle, "It probably means to find a Y shaped tree."

Forde, "How do you know?"

Kyle, "Elementary my dear Forde."

Forde, "Stop being sarcastic!"

Kyle, "Sigh. The forks were probably there to throw us off. Besides, that tree is Y shaped and doesn't have forks in them. Sort of suspicious, Forde."

Forde, "Oh. Your right. Hehehe."

Eirika, "The other group is there!"

Ephraim, "Hey I know! Why don't we just follow them instead of looking at the hints!"

Kyle, "But that's cheating…"

Eirika and Forde say in unison, "So?"

Kyle, "But what about sharing? What about integrity? And Adventure?"

Forde, "What about finders, _keepers_! Losers, _weepers_?"

Kyle, "But-"

Eirika bops the top of his head. "No buts!"

Kyle, "Sigh. I _hate_ my job."

Ephraim, "What was that?"

Kyle, "Um. Probably a ghost."

Ephraim, "No! Leave me alone, great-grandpa!"

Back to the first group.

Lute goes to the tree.

Colm, "Okay, we found the tree. Now what genius?"

"Colm, shut up. I've been telling you that since we started this stupid treasure hunt."

Colm, "I can't help it! I want to find the treasure noooow!"

"Well, we can't if you keep bothering me. So make like a turtle and be quiet."

Colm, "Stupid prodigy…"

"I _heard _that!"

Colm, "Eep…"

Paul, "I know! Maybe we should look through the fork!"

Colm, "I got this! Chimp scouts are trained to climb!"

Colm climbs the tree.

Colm, "So what now?"

Lute, "Look through the fork!"

Colm looks from where the Y separates.

Colm, "There's four plates with food!"

I nod. "Good. Let's go then."

Paul, "Hey wait a second, where's Artur?"

Artur comes from behind a bush.

I blink. "Artur? What were you doing there?"

Artur, "Some business."

Paul, "Ew…"

Artur, "Not that kind! I was putting a sign there to keep away from the thorns!"

I sigh again. "Artur, no one _cares_."

Artur, "But think of the people that we're saving from thorns!"

"Artur, just shut the flux up already."

Artur, "Sigh. Okay."

Colm, "Wait! I'm stuck in the tree! Chimp scouts only know how to climb up!" We head over to the plates leaving Colm to somehow get out of the tree.

Somewhere behind the thorn bush.

Ephraim pops out covered in thorns.

"Man! I should've picked a different bush to spy and do business in!"

Forde, "Business?"

Ephraim, "Um… yeah… I had to take a dump. A really, large, smelly, liquidy-"

Eirika, "_We get the point_."

Forde and Kyle look at each other. Then they inch away from the bush.

Eirika, "Brother… That's just sick…"

Ephraim, "Whatever… Let's just follow them…"

Back to our group.

I look at a piece of paper.

"It says one of the four plates has the final clue. One of them has poison, one has a clue, and the other two have rocks."

Paul, "Then let's dig in!" Paul takes all four plates and eats three of them in about two minutes _flat_.

Artur, "Wow… don't you need to breath?"

Paul, "Ack! Choking! I ate two rocks! And there's paper in my too! Ack!" Paul falls to the floor.

We all look down at him.

Colm, "We'll use this "X-ray" device I found lying on the ground!"

I raise my eyebrow, "Found?"

"Er... Stolen technically."

Colm puts a screen up to Paul's throat revealing two rocks, and a paper that shows where on the map the treasure is found. 

Artur, "Paul! We did it! We know where the treasure is now!"

Paul chokes, "_Hooray_!… _Hooray_!…" Paul falls down.

Colm, "Uh… I know!" Colm jumps on Paul, making him cough out the rocks.

Paul, "Hey… I can breath again!"

I say, "Um… but what about the paper?"

Paul, "…Maybe I swallowed it?"

"Sigh. Whatever. Let's just go. When we saw the paper in your throat it showed that the spot is right here by the trees that are crossed together to look like an X.

Artur, "Woo hoo! It's treasure time!"

We head over to the spot.

Somewhere behind us…

Ephraim, "Hehehehe… Now all we have to do is follow them and when the moment is right, we strike!"

Forde, "Hehehehe… yeah!"

Ephraim holds flashlights in both hands and points one at his face and the other at Forde's face. They both start laughing.

"Mwahahahahaha!"

The flashlights goes dead.

Ephraim, "Oops. I guess we were _too_ evil today."

Kyle, "Hey look food…"

Eirika, "Good! I'm starving!" Eirika takes the plate and starts eating it. Suddenly, she stops.

"This stuff tastes... funny..." Eirika's eyes widen and she heads over to a bush. You hear vomit noises.

Ephraim, "Um… let's head on!"

Back to the Ross's group…

Ross has managed to get free from the tree.

Ross, "Dad! I think we should go over there!" Ross points to our group and Ephraim's group.

Neimi, "Maybe we should…sniff…"

Franz, "Will ya stop crying!"

Neimi, "But you're the one who's making me…"

Franz, "Yeah, but you don't have to cry every time I yell at you!"

Neimi, "Sob…"

Franz, "God…"

Back to our group.

Colm, "Hey look an X is on the ground!"

Artur, "Hooray!"

Paul, "Woohoo!"

"Yay…" I said sarcastically. "Now start _digging_."

Paul, "But what about you?"

"I did most of the thinking so you guys do it."

Artur, "But this is a team effort, Lute!"

"Yeah, and I did my part. Now it's your time to do your part."

Colm, "But what about one for all?"

I blink. "You got a point. But what about all for _one_?"

Colm, "Never mind… she_ does _have a point."

Paul, "Okay… Let's start digging!"

Artur, "Alright!" I toss them shovels and watch them as they dig. They eventually dig it up and find the chest.

Colm, "Alright! I found the treasure!"

Eprhaim and his group pop out of a thorn bush nearby covered in thorns.

Ephraim, "Freeze!"

Eirika, "Yeah!"

Colm, "Huh?"

Kyle, "Yeah… What they said…"

Forde, "We're here to take the treasure! I you let us, we won't give you guys guard duty anymore!"

Artur, "But we found it first!"

Ephraim kicks the ground, "We want it! We want it! _We want it_!"

I yawn and then say, "Okay you three can fight them."

Artur, "But Lute-"

"Just _do it _if you want the _treasure_."

Paul, "Alright…" Paul glances around. He picks up the nearest weapon. Which is a stick. He then charges. "For the orange sodaaaaaaa!"

Ephraim, "Huh? Wait! We don't have our weapons!"

Kyle, "I thought you said this would _work_!"

Eirika, "Eeek!"

Colm, "Raaaaah!" Colm picks a dagger sized stick.

Artur, "Um…" Artur takes one of his signs and throws it.

Kyle, "You see-Ow! This is what we get for cheating-Ow!"

Forde, "Run awaaaay!"

The three chase them away while I watch writing in my diary.

The other group comes.

Garcia, "Hey look! The treasure! And it's already dug up!"

Neimi touches the treasure.

Neimi, "Hooray! Now we win! And I was the one who got us the win! Take that Franz!"

Franz, "_Shutup_!"

Neimi, "Eek!"

I get up. "Hey-Wait! We dug it up first!"

Franz, "But we touched it first! We win! Hooraaay!"

Ross, "Now where's Joshua?"

Joshua comes out of a tent eating a sandwich.

Ross, "So what's the prize!"

Garica, "Yeah!"

Neimi, "Tell us!"

Franz, "Yeah! We're waiting!"

Joshua, "Well, open the chest first." said Joshua as he chewed.

Garcia, "Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold!…. a paper?"

Joshua, "Read it." Joshua takes a bite out of sandwich.

Ross, "Congratulations. You have won your prize. The prize is half of…. A **_sandwich_**?"

Joshua splits the sandwich he's eating in half. "Yup. I hope you like egg salad." He gives it to Ross.

The group stares down at it for about five seconds. Then they collapse anime style.

I watch as the three of my group chase Ephraim's group away with signs and sticks.

"Well, that. Was a waste of _time_." I burn the half of the sandwich that they drop.

I can't believe we did all of that work and thinking for a sandwich. Stupid Joshua… If I had the chance I'd set his hair on fire. Oh well… At least I was amusing watching Paul, Colm, and Artur chase away Ephraim and his group with sticks and signs. I'm going to take a nap now. Why'd it have to be a _sandwich_?

Prodigy, Lute

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Well, I updated faster than I thought I would! I hope you guys liked this chapter! Please leave a review on the way out! And feel free to leave anonymous reviews!  



	5. Entres 21 to 25

Sorry, for taking long to update. But, hooray! I got more reviews! Thanks for them readers. Also, I accept anonymous reviews now. My idea list still has lots of ideas I didn't use yet. I'm going to make this long enough to make up for that. Also so I can play Star Ocean: Till the End of Time. Awesome RPG! I like it as much as Fire Emblem! Anyway… here you guys go!

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Day 21 

Location: Ide. Actually Ide was destroyed so we're staying at a fort _near _Ide

Weather: Pretty good

Well, we're staying at this stupid fort today. Ide was destroyed. We sort of forgot about that. We have to sleep on he hard cold floor of this stupid fort.

I can't believe we have to sleep in this stupid fort. The village may be destroyed, but it has beds. You know, blanket, mattress, cuddly pillow, ect. Man it's just stupid though. I wish something entertaining would happen like a horse crashing into Ross, Ross crashing into a horse, or Ross crashing into the horse then having the horse crash into Ross. Then run over him. With large horse shoes again. Yeah that would be funny.

The only thing funny that has happened to Ross today was when he went to pet a rabbit. The rabbit bit him though and had rabies. Ha. Okay maybe that was as funny with the horse. Ross is in the healers room of fort now and we have Moulder and Natasha trying to help Ross with his rabies. It's sort of hard for them to do that though. Well, it would be hard for you if you tried helping out a guy that's foaming at the mouth and running around everywhere acting all crazy. Here's what happened when Ross got bitten.

Somewhere near the fort Ross walks around a field of flowers. There is cheerful music in the background.

"Oh my god! They the flowers are just so beautiful! Even though I despise these bright colors!"

The bunny passes by innocently.

"Hey it's a bunny! Hey little guy! Wanna be my friend?"

Suddenly, the rabbit foams at its mouth and lunges at Ross.

"Ahhh! Oh my god! Help me! It's biting my lower sword!" Ross starts running around crazily as the bunny bites Ross everywhere. I mean _everywhere_.

Seconds later.

Garcia passes by a few trees.

"I wonder where my son is… He couldn't of gotten too far…"

Garcia walks around… Lassie theme comes on.

"Roooooss! Roooooss! Roooooos!" Garcia looks up and sees Ross in a tree.

"Oh my god! Here boy! Here boy! Oh no! Oh no! Somebody help me! Somebody help me! I need a fireman or something…"

Colm scampers by.

"Colm! It's me Garcia!"

Colm, "I know that… Who else would you be?"

Garcia, "I don't know… but I do want to look like-"

Colm, "Never-mind… what do you want?"

"My Ross is stuck in a tree!"

Up in the tree Ross is hugging the tree to keep from falling.

Ross, "Sob! Help! I'm stuck in a tree!"

Colm, "So I see. Very good Ross you have up there."

Garcia, "Can you just get him down or something? Please!"

Colm, "Alright. A chimp scout vows to save anyone or anything stuck in a tree. In this case it's a thing."

Garcia, "Okaaay…"

Colm climbs the tree up to Ross. Ross reaches for Colm's hand and Colm brings down Ross.

Garcia, "My Ross! He's okay!"

Ross, "Dad! I'm safe!"

Colm, "Alright ba-bye now." Colm walks off.

Garcia lets go of Ross so he can look at him, only to reveal Ross foaming at the mouth. Ross backs away and starts hissing.

Garcia, "Ahh! Oh my god!"

Moulder comes by.

Moulder, "Looks like your Ross has rabies. We'll have to put him down."

Garcia, "Put him down! What the flux are you talking about!"

Moulder takes a tranquilizer gun out of no where and shoots at Ross who tries to run away.

Garcia, "Noooooo! My son is dead now!"

Moulder, "Well, actually we didn't put him down. Hehe. I just always wanted to say that."

Garcia, "Grrr…"

Moulder, "Um, I think your starting to catch Ross's rabies…"

Yeah, well that actually was funny. The bad things always happen to Ross. Ha.

Anyways, I have to bunk with Natasha and Artur today. Well, at least Natasha is sane. Artur, well… he just has safety issues. I'm going to go in bed today. Also, I'll rabbit proof the entrances so a rabbit doesn't barge in here and give me rabies. Or Artur. If Artur had rabies he'd just put safety signs in an barbaric way.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 22

Location: Ide

Weather: Okay I guess

Today we had to join some stupid group that was rebuilding Ide. Apparently Eirika and Ephraim signed us up because the group said donuts and refreshments were included. I wonder why they can't just use Seth's easy bake oven and use that. Actually I think they'd end up burning themselves and the oven. I'd feel more sorry for the oven. Yes, I actually would. Artur right now is in the healer's tent. I'll explain later on why.

The stupid part about this group was that we had to finish it today only. No one wants to do this stupid thing. Except Ross and Garcia. They're all excited because they get to rebuild their home. As soon as we finish we're leaving. I don't think the two know that yet.

Anyways, back to what happened to Artur. This is what I remember.

Artur walks around putting signs everywhere as usual. He puts one near a pot hole, one near a tree, and one near a bucket.

Eirika walks up to Artur.

Eirika, "Artur? What the flux are you doing?"

Artur, "Um… I'm putting signs in places where people wont get hurt…"

Eirika, "Your not supposed to put signs your supposed to build things. That's what we're doing here!"

Franz comes to the conversation.

Franz, "But Princess… All you've been doing is chugging down cookies and fruit punch…"

Eirika, "Hey, at least I'm involved in this thing!"

Franz, "Okaaay…"

Vanessa flies in and joins in.

Vanessa, "Artur, people can't get hurt with everything."

Artur, "Yeah they can!… I know! Name one thing you can't kill someone with."

Eirika, "What the flux is the point of that?"

Artur, "To prove that you can kill a person with anything!"

Vanessa, "That's easy! A potato!"

Franz, "…A potato?"

Vanessa smiles, "Yup."

Artur, "You could choke someone with it."

Franz, "Er… What about a hair?"

Artur, "It can tie around your arm, be tightened, therefore making your arm bleed to death."

Franz, "Oh my god. Your wasting our time, Artur."

Artur, "It's not my fault I was put on this world to keep people safe!"

Eirika, "Yeah, but it is your fault that your annoying."

Artur, "But-"

I come by hearing this conversation right after the other three leave.

"You know, they _are_ right."

Artur, "Sniff… No one understands me! They think I'm not capable of things! You know, like… like… uh… erm…… Oh my god! They're right! I can do jack squat!" Artur runs off crying his head off.

"Sigh. It's times like this I wonder why he's my best friend."

A few seconds later, 47.6 to be approximate, Artur was on top of an unfinished building.

Colm passes by and sees, "What the… oh my god! Artur is on top of that unfinished building!"

Natasha, "Gasp!"

Joshua chews on his egg salad sandwich, "Hmph?"

Artur, "Attention all party members! I decided since I provide no support to this group, I am going to commit suicide and die honorably!"

Vanessa, "Oh my god. Is this about that argument?"

Artur, "_No_!"

Ephraim and Eirika are eating cookies next to Seth.

Ephraim, "Seth! Seth! The cautious annoying monk is going to jump off that building!"

Eirka, "Do you think his guts will splatter all over the place?"

Seth, "It's better if you _don't_ see…" Seth covers their eyes.

I look up, "Artur, you idiot, get down from there."

"Why? I don't like myself anymore because everyone has their own homes… girlfriends…… _lives_… Oh my god I'm right again!"

"Sigh. Artur, if you commit suicide, I'm taking your safety signs and burning them."

"….. First my life, now my innocent little signs? Fine… I'll get down…"

Neimi, "Oh my god! Oh my god! What do I do? What do I do! Sniff! Sob! Wah…" Neimi cries her head off.

Colm, "Neimi, what the flux do you think your doing?"

Neimi, "I'm crying! Sob!"

Colm, "_Why _are you crying?

Neimi, "Sniff! I don't know! Cause Artur is gonna commit suicide! Waah!" Neimi runs off and crashes into the building Artur is on making Artur fall into a hole in the building, then having the building crash on top of Artur, then suddenly the building explodes for some odd and stupid apparent reason. The flames burst out and hit some of the party members.

Joshua continues eating his egg salad sandwich which suddenly catches on fire as a fireball from the fires this his sandwich, which he took a bite out of before he noticed.

Joshua, "Oh my god! My tongue! It burns! It burns! It burnses us!" Joshua runs around.

Ross, "Dad! Dad! I know what we can do!"

Garcia, "What's that son?"

Ross, "We can put out the fire!"

Ross takes a bucket of _liquid_ and throws it on the fires, causing a green explosion making radioactive fires."

Ross, "What the-… **_liquid nitrogen_**? Who puts **_liquid nitrogen_** in a bucket?"

Garcia, "Watch out son!" A green nitrogen fireball heads towards Ross.

Ross, "Huh?- Ah! I'm radioactively on fire! Ahhh!" Ross runs around burning.

Garcia, "Crap! I'll save you son!" Garcia grabs a glass full of _liquid_ from Franz.

Franz, "No! Wait Garcia! That's-"

Garcia throws the contents on Ross making the fires larger.

Ross, "Ahhh! I'm still radioactively on fire but with a scent of lemony alcohooool!"

Garcia, "What the- what's in this stuff!"

Franz, "Uh, it's an alcoholic beverage with a scent of lemon…"

Garcia, "Nooo! Not lemon scented! Anything but the lemon scented!"

A fire ball hits Eirika and Ephraim.

Eirika, "Ahh!"

Ephraim, "Sister! I know what to do!"

Eirika, "What's that you say?"

Ephraim, "We stop, drop, and roll!"

"Stop, drop…" The two drop knocking down people in the process.

"And roll!"

They begin rolling making people trip.

Natasha trips over Ephraim, "Ah!" Natasha is on top of Ephraim.

Ephraim continues burning. "Uh…"

Natasha, "Uh…"

Joshua, "Hey! Get away from Natasha you burning bastard!" Joshua picks Natasha off of Ephraim, then takes Franz's lemon scented alcohol and tosses it on Ephraim.

Franz, "Sob! Not again!"

Ephraim, "Ahhh!"

Joshua, "That's for messing with my woman!"

Natasha, "Hellooo! I'm being ignored again!"

Joshua, "Come on! Let's go find more people we can save or set on fire!"

Natasha, "Uh… okay!"

Colm, "Holy crap! This is chaos!"

Neimi runs by. "Waaaaah!"

Colm grabs her hood and pulls her to him.

"Neimi! This is all _your _fault!"

"Sob… what are you talking about…"

Colm, "If you hadn't crashed into that building, it wouldn't catch on fire! And neither would the other people!"

"That just makes me feel worse! Waaaah!" Neimi runs off crying again.

Colm, "H-hey! Get back here- ahh!" Colm trips over Eirika.

Eirika, "Stop, drop, and roll! Stop, drop, and roll!"

Yeah, that explains why Artur is in the healers tent. Amongst other idiots who managed to catch on fire. Well, all the buildings that we built on either on fire, destroyed and on fire, or knocked down by Neimi, destroyed, and on fire. It looks really bad for Artur, but they said they'd be okay. I'm going to stay here with my best friend till the very end. Not. I'm just staying to make sure he stays alive so he'll give me the 900 gold he owed me. He better live, or I'm not going to attend his funeral. Instead I'm going to sell his stuff off the nearest armory.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 23

Weather: Boring

Location: Somehow more boring

We're still here in Ide and have to rebuild everything again. If Artur hadn't planned on committing suicide, Neimi wouldn't crash into every fluxing building we built and knock them all down, causing them to somehow catch on fire.

It also appears that they're going to take off the bandages from Artur's wounds. They had to do "healing surgery." You won't believe what happened.

Moulder, Natasha, Neimi, Joshua , and Seth, and I are in the healers tent awaiting for Moulder and Natasha to reply. Colm and Artur lie in beds. Artur has bandages warpped around his head.

Moulder, "Well, he had an eye injury, so we had to put glasses that stay above his eyes to support a certain bone.

Seth, "Okaaaay…"

Natasha, "And due to the burns on his head we had to cut off some of his hair and spike it up."

Colm, "Er… okay…"

Moulder, "He also lost a lot of blood. And since we didn't have people's blood we gave him monkey's blood."

I raise my eyebrows. "Is that as good as people's blood? And where'd you get monkey's blood."

Moulder, "Well, I got a tranquilizer gun and used it on one. Then I took it's blood and replaced it with milk.

Joshua, "That's sort of… odd…"

Neimi, "What about Colm?"

Natasha, "He also lost a lot of blood. We had to get a blood transfusion for him too. We got it from this guy named Spider Man."

Colm gets up and walks over to us.

Colm, "Guys! Guys! You'll never guess what!"

Seth, "Uh, what?"

Colm, "I got a blood transfusion from a guy named Spider Man!"

Seth, "Okaaay…"

Neimi, "Um… okay…"

Colm, "And also, now I can do this! Wa-cha!" Colm starts shooting webs.

"Woah. How the flux did you do that?" I asked in amusement.

Colm, "I dunno. But it's so cool! Hahaha!" Colm shoots more webs.

Neimi, "Ah! I got a web in my hair!"

"Sigh. Anyway, what about Artur?" I asked.

Moulder, "Oh, right. Now here we go."

Moulder starts unwrapping the bandages. He does it slowly as weird game show music that waits for you to answer a question is heard in the background.

Natasha, "Where's that music coming from?"

Joshua, "Sorry, dramatic effect."

Natasha, "I'll never understand you and your drama effects."

Joshua, "Hehehe…"

Moulder finishes and we all gasp to reveal a potato head toy mask.

Moulder, "Oh yeah, forgot about this mask." Moulder removes it to reveal Artur with spiky hair and sunglasses worn in the fashion that you would wear when your not wearing goggles.

Joshua stares wide-eyed. "_Woah_."

Neimi, "Uh…"

Seth, "Uh…"

I go up to him. "So, you got the 900 gold you owe me yet?"

Artur, "You know that hole you put pie in?"

"Uh, yeah." I said as I raised my eyebrow.

"Well, shut it!"

I blink. "So I guess that's a no?"

Artur, "What's I sound like?"

Joshua, "Artur? What the flux happened to you! You look like you went through a make over show!"

Artur, "Hey! Shut the flux up ya long-haired freak!"

Joshua, "Hey! Don't make fun of my long wavy hair!"

Artur, "Mines much cooler! It's spiky!"

Joshua, "Yours is not cooler!"

Artur, "You couldn't think of a decent hair style in your dreams!"

Joshua, "Oh yeah! Watch this!" Joshua shuts his eyes and grunts trying to think of a hairstyle. What he thinks of is Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, and Natasha wearing a sweater.

Joshua, "Damn it! He's right!"

Artur, "Ha!"

Neimi, "So uh…"

Artur, "So yourself!"

Neimi cries and runs out of the tent.

Colm, "Wait up Neimi! I'm stuck in this web!" Colm struggles. A giant spider is on the end.

Colm, "Ahhh! Noooo!"

Seth, "So, uh… Artur? This new, uh, you isn't going to be a problem is it?"

Artur, "That depends is it a problem now?"

Seth, "Well, uh… no."

Artur, "Okay, then I'll fix that." Artur grabs Natasha's healing staff.

Natasha, "Hey! T-That's mine!"

Artur takes the staff and starts whacking Seth on the head and other painful places.

Seth, "Ow! Hey-**Ow**! What the flux- **_Ah_**! Are you doing- **Erg**!"

Artur, "I'm making my new self a problem! What's it look like? Like I'm making mashed potatoes or something?"

Seth, "Ah! Stop! **Ow**! I don't think my spine is supposed to crack like that!"

"Great, I have to share a room with this guy."

Yeah, I **_do_** have to share a room with this guy. This sucks. I'm going to have to put up with a guy that's going to be twice as annoying. And I don't get my gold back. Oh well, it's not like I needed it or anything.

I bet he's going to take Paul and his Xbox and throw it out the curtains of our tent. Then he's going to set it on fire while busting it by whacking it with Natasha's stolen healing staff. Peachy. Just peachy.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 24

Location: Castle Frelia

Weather: Bright and sunny

Hooray; we're finally in a castle. We get to sleep in beds instead of sleeping bags. There's a bright side of today. And I still have to share a room with Artur, a.k.a. spiky haired pissed off guy. He is no longer Smokey the Bear. Instead of saying "And only you can prevent forest fires," he's saying "And only you can **_protect_** forest fires." Yeah, well at least he doesn't put those annoying signs everywhere.

Somehow, he managed to make this device from this video game called "Ratchet and Clank going Commando" called a "rocket launcher" and got his hands on Natasha's plush collection. He started launching them at about 97 mph at everyone. And it looks very, very, painful. He shot four at Forde. In his lower abdomen. And they were on fire. That's _gotta_ hurt.

Anyway, we're in a castle! Slightly annoying cause of Artur, but we're in a castle! And in five days we're going to have that weird party. We met Innes and Tana today, a.k.a. The Cramp Twins from down the lane. Here's what happened when Eirika and Ephraim saw them.

Eirika and Ephraim walk down a random corridor talking about random stuff. Tana and Innes come from the other corner.

Tana, "Eirika!"

Eirika, "Tana!"

Tana, "Ephraim!"

Ephraim, "Tana!"

Eirika, "Innes!"

Innes, "Eirika!"

Eprhaim, "_Innes_."

Innes, "_Eprhaim_."

Ephraim start having a staring contest all of a sudden. Then they suddenly start slapping each other while looking behind themselves, not knowing if they're even hitting each other.

Eirika, "_Ephraim_!"

Tana, "_Innes_!"

Ephraim, "Gr… _Innes_!"

Innes, "Grr… _Ephraim_!"

Artur comes sprinting down the hallway with his plush toy loaded rocket launcher with Natasha hot on his trail trying to reclaim her plushes.

Natasha, "_Artur_!"

Artur, "Eirika!" Artur shoots at her

Eirika, "Ergh! _Artur_!"

Artur, "_Tana_!" Artur also shoots her.

Tana, "Ack! _Artur_!"

Artur, "And Ephraim and what's his name!" Artur shoots two plush toys at both.

Ephraim, "My spleen!" Ephraim turns and twists on ground.

Innes, "My gall bladder!" Innes falls to floor.

Colm flies by swinging on a web. Colm, "I'm spider-thiiiiief!"

Neimi, "Colm! Watch out for that-"

Colm crashes into a wall.

Neimi, "Wall…"

Natasha picks up the toys being launched while chasing.

Natasha, "Get back with my plush toys!"

Artur, "Never! Take this, Natasha!" Artur aims at Natasha.

Natasha, "Eek!"

Artur fires but nothing comes out except a click. He shoots again. Another click comes out.

Artur, "Uh… looks like I'm out of ammo!" Artur runs for it

Natasha takes out a mend staff, "Get back here, you plush stealer!" Natasha chases after Artur

Yeah, plush toys were flying everywhere. And some of them blew up into fluffiness making people allergic to cotton sneeze and all. So now, half of our group is sick, including me, and Artur is in charge of us all. Great. I wonder how it'll begin. He'll probably try to hurt us in a way that won't kill us. He found some other toys after making more of these weapons.

Day 25

Weather: We're indoors

Location: Tana and Inne's Barbie House

Yeah, so like yesterday, half of us are still sick. I got this fluxing cold. Stupid plush toys. Artur got a new device thingie called a sheepinator from the video game again.

Artur shooting people with plush toy rocket launcher: 100 gold

Artur whacking people with Natasha's Mend Staff: 50 gold

Artur turning random soldiers into sheep with sheepinator: Priceless

So basically, Artur is running around turning people into sheep. Then he's killing them and turning them into soup for us to get better. I feel sort of sickened because everyone's eating sheep soup that used to be people. I mean, since the incident when Artur turned into a spiky haired psycho, he's running around everywhere causing havoc.

It's like when kids always get jam on their hands. Then when there's no more jam in the house, they somehow manage to get jam on their hands. To sum this whole paragraph up, he's basically two times more annoying then before.

Also, Colm is still running around firing webs everywhere and everyone. He fired one at Artur, who then managed to get out a match and set the webs on fire. Ironically, there was a can of kerosene which then caused an explosion destroying the entire west wing of the castle.

The King is really pissed off now, and is threatening to un-invite Colm and Artur if they cause more trouble. I don't know how we're going to do that seeing that most of the people that are able to restrain them, such as me, are sick.

Forde, Kyle, and Ephraim are also causing trouble. They're running around shooting each other with "nerf dart guns." You don't know how annoying it is for them to shoot at each other, miss, and hit you getting a really sticky dart stuck somewhere on you. Innes decided to join the game because he wanted to beat Ephraim so bad using foam arrows. He fired a dart at Forde's eye, kicked Kyle between the legs and shot him with the foam dart gun, and then fired darts at both of Ephraim's eyes, kicked him between the legs, and shot him multiple times. He then blew the arrow as if it were smoking and called himself Bond, Innes Bond.

Well, what a display of fun and pain. Now, all three are in the healers room. Tana apparently told on her brother to the King and now Innes is grounded. Ha. That was pretty funny. Well, I'm going to stop here so I can eat some normal soup that Artur was forced to make for us. I hope he doesn't have a "soup-inator" or something like that either.

Prodigy, Lute

* * *

Sorry I took long to update. Well, I'm going to go play Ratchet and Clank and then play Star Ocean: Till the End of Time. Please leave a review! 


	6. Entries 26 to 30

Hey guys. Thanks for the reviews. Well, I hope you enjoyed the last chapter. I got a good number of reviews. Sorry I took to long to update though. Hehehe… I've been playing Maple Story. It's a 2D rolling screen MMORPG. I downloaded it and it's online for free! I'll put up a link to it in my profile. Also, I do not know anyone named Sean/Xach. It's just an idea I thought of randomly.

Day 26

Weather: Still Indoors

Location: Still in Castle Frelia

Yeah, so were still in castle Frelia. We've managed to restrain Colm by spraying bug zap on him. Now he's on the floor shaking. Ha. For Artur we had to take all his weapons and chain them to a wall. And him too. And for god knows what reason, Seth is making me give Artur some therapy. Well, that isn't a bad career. It's actually a good one. I get to talk in a superior way to crazy people…… Yeah, well maybe it is as bad as it sounds.

I walk down a hallway in Castle Frelia and turn the corner and walk to a door. I open it and peek through to see Artur tied down to a table with his arms and legs chained.

Artur, "Hey! Whoever's there! My nose is itching! Scratch it for me!"

I blink and open the door. "Artur, I'm not going to scratch your nose because you'll probably bite me or something else you've managed to learn that will injure me."

Artur, "Flux you!"

"Yeah, well, flux you too. Let's get started…… Now I'm hearing your having temper problems. Any thoughts or something when you were a kid that you think might have caused you to become the Artur you are now when the building collapsed on you?"

"No!… maybe…"

"Come on, out with it. We all have our moments when we have to say something."

"Well… when I was a kid… I wanted to be a police."

I write on a piece of paper while he talks.

"Okay…"

"But, when I discovered I had to use guns and stuff, I wanted to be a fireman."

"… A fireman?"

"Yeah, cause they do safety stuff too… but once I found out that they have to go in a fire to save people I didn't know what to do. So I resorted to putting my signs!"

"Yeah…"

"Blah blah blah, bla-blah-bla-blah, bla-de-bla-de-bla…"

"Okay, um I think your problem from turning into this Artur is because you've been doing safety things to protect people, but since that only made people mad at you, you got mad. So now your this Artur."

"Sniff… It makes me so mad… I just want to take an SMG and knock someone to the ground… then shoot them a few times…"

"Well, just express yourself or something in a way that you like. _Okay_ we're **done**." I walk over to him and untie him.

Artur, "Man! I feel much better! Now I'm going to go express my self in a way I like!" Artur smirks evilly and pulls out a box with alcoholic beverages from under the table.

"Um, what the flux are those for?"

Artur takes some scotch tape, pulls a long piece out, and sticks it in one of the bottles with part of it sticking out of the bottle.

"Why, I'm going to express myself!"

"…how?"

"I'm going to make burning cocktail bombs! Muahahahaha!" Artur pulls out a lighter.

"Er, okay… just wait for ten minutes so I can get to the otherside of the castle."

"Sure no problem. Hehehehehe…" Artur prepares more bombs as I sprint to the other side of the castle.

You can guess what happened next. The entire west wing, which was just repaired, is now in ruins _again_. Some people had to argue not to kick Artur out. Eventually he said yes when Ephraim slipped him 5000 gold. Yeah he slipped it very quietly a.k.a. spilling a bag of gold right on the floor causing people to trip over the gold.

I'm done here so I can finish reading my book.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 27

Weather: Sunny

Location: Somewhere by a few trees and other people eating on the ground. Or off the ground.

Well, Paul took me, Artur, Forde, Kyle, Joshua, and Natasha to go on a picnic. How lucky am I to go eat outside with the clinically insane. Except Natasha. Yeah, the only way she took all of her plush animals, sew them together, and attempt to bring it to life by shocking it. Then she would be clinically insane.

Also I have at least one reason for why I do not want to go on a picnic with each of these people. I don't want to go with Artur because he shoots at things. And even if he doesn't have a weapon, he still manages to shoot something with something. Forde, I don't want to go with because whenever he paints something the paint is flammable and Artur will somehow make the painting explode. Then I don't want to eat with Kyle because he's always complaining about something such as "it's too hot" or "I don't want to sit in this spot" or whatever. That causes Artur to shoot at him with something, then set him on fire so that he'll run into one of Forde's flammable paintings to explode. _Then_ I also don't want to go with Joshua because he'll go around each of us and gamble with us with green paper that everyone supposedly has. Artur will then steal it, shoot at the paper with something, give it to Kyle and set him on fire, and then have him run into one of Forde's oh-so-very-flammable paintings causing yet again another explosion. And finally Natasha. She won't do anything. She'll just stand there all shy and all. Until Joshua comes around and gambles with her. And you probably know what'll happen next. But for all you who don't, and I guess you who don't are really dull, Artur will take Natasha and Joshua's green paper, shoot at it a couple of times, give it to Kyle again, set him on fire again which will then cause Kyle to run into one of Forde's newly drawn flammable paintings yet another time causing an explosion yet again.

Well, I'm going to go eat now. I'm going to stop writing so I can put my diary under my fire-proof cloak which I just bought off a random Armory. Why? So when Artur causes the explosion in one of the ways above, the diary will be perfectly fine. Unless Artur has a stun-gun that can shock you. Crap.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 28

Weather: Same as yesterday

Location: Castle

It seems like we've picked up another straggler today. He's sort of odd though. We met him in town earlier in town. His name was Sean/Xach. Here we go.

Paul, Natasha, Neimi, Colm, and I walk through town. We come along the armories, vendors, and buy our supplies. We walk up to one of the counters of a secret shop with a sleeping person.

Paul glances around. "Uh…"

Natasha pokes him with her staff and receives no reaction.

Natasha, "Is he dead?"

Neimi looks around and notices a bottle of beer.

Neimi, "He's drunk!"

Paul, "I think he is!"

Colm, "W00T! I'm taking his wallet!" Colm jumps over the counter.

Paul, "Why?"

Colm, "When no ones looking, what reason do you have not to steal?" Colm jumps over the counter and reaches into his pocket. He grabs a leather object, his wallet, and proceeds to leave until-

"Hey! That's ma walshit you've got!" said the man. You could tell he was drunk. He had that drunken look in his eye. An evil drunken look.

Natasha, "Wallshit?"

"No you shitiot! I said Walshit!"

Natasha, "But I just sai-"

Colm, "No! I'm not supposed to get caught! Let go of me! Ah! Amber alert! Amber alert!"

"Ga-damn! You damn people always do that when you bother me and I try to injure j00!"

Paul, "Paleeeease, sir? Can you let go of our friend?"

"No! And stop talking to me like I'm old! I'm not old! **I'm not! **I'm eleventy hundred years old!"

Colm, "That's eleven hundred you moron!"

"That's it! It's L33T-whoop-ass time!" The man is about to punch the crap out of Colm.

Neimi, "Wait! Please don't hurt my friend!"

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't!"

Colm, "Yeah Niemi! Give him one reason why he shouldn't! Ha, ha, ha…."

Neimi, "Uh, cause we have gold!"

"Gold? Me likes gold!"

Neimi, "And we got food too!"

"Food! Me likes food too!" The man begins jumping up and down.

Neimi, "Um, and we also got paper!"

"Paper!"

Neimi, "Yeah! Uh, it's lemon scented! If you join us, you can have some of it!"

Colm, "Wait- No! That's my lemon scented paper your talking about!"

"Woohoo!"

Paul, "Uh Neimi, do you realize that Colm probably won't want to give it?" Whispered Paul to Neimi.

Neimi, "Uh, we can just squeeze some lemons on regular paper and hope Artur doesn't make an explosion near the paper..."

The man drops Colm.

Colm, "Ow! My spleen!"

"W00T! I get to join a group with money and other things! This means….. ROAD TRIP! WOO!" The man begins jumping up and down on Colm without noticing.

Colm, "Ack, my hand- Ack, my other hand- Ack, my head!- Ow, my spleen!"

I, being ignored decide to participate in this conversation. I close the book I was reading, bored from listening to their "shitiodic" conversation and join in.

"So, what's your name?"

The man stops doing his little tap dance on Colm and blinks. "It's Xach!"

"…..Zack?"

Xach, "No, Xach!"

"Is there another name that's easier for idiots to call you?"

"No! I only have one name!"

"….What about that nametag on your cloak that says Sean?"

Sean/Xach, "Gasp! My forbidden name! Don't say it again!"

"Sean?"

Sean/Xach's arm bends.

"Ack!"

"Huh? What's wrong, Sean?" I say sarcastically.

Sean/Xach's back bends.

"Ouch! Stop!"

"Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean, Seany, Seanier, Seaniest, Seanee, Seaner,-"

"Nooo!" Sean/Xach/whatever his name is leans against the counter.

"So Sean you alright?"

"Ow… ribs crushing… organs imploding… brain… unaccounted for…"

"I'll take that as a yes."

Paul, "So where are you from?"

Sean/Xach suddenly snaps out of his trance and is back to normal.

Sean/Xach, "Why I'm from a strategist from somewhere called Elibe! I guided some forces to destroy a villain from releasing dragons from a portal!"

I raise my eyebrows and say, "Gee, didn't I hear that somewhere a few entries back in my diary?" I look at Paul. For refereance look to Day 1.

Paul, "What? Huh? What are you talking about! I'm from Elibe! I guided some forces to destroy a villain from releasing dragons from a portal! Me! Me! Me!"

Sean/Xach, "Nu-uh! I did!"

Paul, "No I did!…. _Sean_!"

Sean/Xach, "Ahhh!" Sean/Xach goes into pain again.

Colm, "Hellooo! Injured thief here!"

So that was basically how we picked up another stranger. I hate it when we pick up strangers. They're always weird/dumb in some way.

Oh, I almost forgot we're having that party tomorrow at Castle Frelia. Too bad none of the towns people get invited. Ha. We're cool and they're not.

Day 29

Weather: We're inside

Location: A large room in Castle Frelia

Well, for all of you who remember, today is the party. Yes the party that we arrived. Well, not us, Eirika and Ephraim. We're just a bunch of lackeys that jump around and kill things with our pointy objects and mystical magic from Candy Land, the place where the road is made of different un-matching colors. Yeah, that really sounded corny.

Back to the subject, everyone is having fun. Well, I think almost everyone is. They're dancing around, getting drunk by drinking, or getting drunk by drinking and dancing around at the same time. I'm just standing around, drinking punch, and having some conversations with everyone. Yes, I can be sociable and talk to people.

Here's our little overview of the party.

Random people and mercenaries of our group are at the party. They dance, drink, do something embarrassing while being drunk, ect…

Ross, "Hey dad! This punch is great!"

Garcia, "No punch is as good as your dad's!"

Ross, "You don't even make punch!"

Garcia, "What are you talking about? You don't make punch, you do a punch! Like this son!" Garcia punches Ross in the stomach.

Ross, "Ah! Oh god! My stomach!" Ross falls to the ground and starts vomiting.

Garcia, "Uh oh…" Garcia looks around and then starts whistling. He then slowly inches away as Ross vomits and squirms in pain.

Across the room…

Colm, "Man, I still can't you forced me to take the medicine. Now I can't use my powers!"

Neimi, "Well… everyone told me to do it…"

Colm, "Yeah, but you tied me to my bed and forced it down my throat!"

Neimi, "Well, it was a better idea then dog piling you and then use different bug sprays on you…"

Colm, "Er… okay never mind…"

Somewhere else in the room…

Sean, "This punch tastes weird…"

Franz, "Er, Sean? That's not punch…"

Sean, "What are you talking about? This bowl has punch labeled on it! See? M-Y-U-R-I-N-E!… Punch!

Franz, "Er…"

Sean, "Let me taste this one… Oh god this one tastes even worse!"

Franz, "That one isn't punch either!"

Sean, "It's red, _like _punch!"

Franz, "It's called food coloring! It's just a bunch of water mixed together! It even says it! It's taped on the bowl!" Franz points to label that reads "Random poisons mixed together with lots of sugar, salt, and some moving bro

Sean, "You know what! You need to go to color school! And get some glasses there too!"

Franz, "Sigh."

Sean, "What was that? Was that an "s" with an eye? Maybe "sigh" is short for shit eye! There's not such thing as an eye made of shit!"

Franz, "Sean-"

Sean, "No! No more crazy talk!"

Franz, "Good."

Somewhere else…

Colm, "Hey Paul."

Paul, "Hey Colm."

Colm, "Man you head shot and dagger noobed so many people in that shooting game. What was it? Gunz Online? Right."

Paul, "Yeah. That was so fun. It was even more funny when the noobs kept trying to kill be from behind. Hehehe."

Colm, "What's your secret? Drugs?"

Paul, "The Hacking Unviversity of Pwning Newbz!"

Colm, "You mean you hax0red?"

Paul, "Yeah. But it's fun! And you can learn how to hack in any one of these online games."

Colm reads a list Paul shows, "Shooting games, MMORPGs, chess, checkers. Thanks Paul!"

Paul does thumbs up for cheesiness of the story. "No problem Colm!"

Across of them…

Ross who is back on his feet is standing by the punch bowl as most people do right next to Morda who is also at the party.

Ross, "……….ah….ah…. _achoo_!"

Morda. "………"

Ross, "Morda! What the flux! Why didn't you bless me!"

Morda, "What are you talking about?"

Ross, "You know, "God bless you?" You say it when someone sneezes!"

Morda, "Well, I don't believe in God, I believe in Latona…"

Ross, "It doesn't matter! Did you know when you sneeze, your heart stops! Sneezing is dangerous! I could've died!"

Morda rolls his eyes. "Well, you didn't."

Ross, "Well, I guess you were lucky this time……… ah… ah… _achoo_! Blech! Urgh!" Ross collapses.

Morda, "Holy!"

An astral form that is recognized as God appears next to him.

God, "What happened? Didn't you bless him?"

Morda, "Well… I was… I was gonna…"

God, "Great! Now I have to take him to my heavenly eternal palace!" Ross's ghost floats up.

Ross, "Yeah! Thanks a lot you fat fluxer! Come on, God!"

God, "Yeah. We out!"

Morda, "… okay… I think i've been drinking too much punch..."

Somewhere else as usual…

Joshua, "Ugh… I'm so drunk…"

Natasha, "Um… Joshua… I think you should stop drinking for now…"

Joshua, "Hey… that's my beer!"

Natasha looks at her glass of punch that back at Joshua. "Uh… This is punch Joshua…"

Joshua, "Nu-uh! That's my beer! You took it from me! Gimme my precious! It's my precious, my life, my reason I live, my buzz!"

Natasha, "Joshua… I think you should sit down for a while…"

Joshua, "Not until you give me my precious!"

Natasha, "But it's not beer…"

Joshua, "Gimme the precious beer!"

Natasha, "Okay, okay!…" Natasha hands Joshua her punch. Joshua swipes it from her and downs it quickly. Then he suddenly chokes.

Joshua, "Ahh! It burnses us! It burnses!" Joshua starts writhing while clutching his throat on the ground. Joshua looks back up. "You! You told me that its was beer!"

Natasha, "I said it was punch…"

Joshua, "Lieeeees!" Joshua faints.

Natasha, "Uh…"

Seth, "Hey! Who wants to see a drunk fainted guy!"

Soldiers start cheering and surround Joshua.

Someplace somewhere else…

Franz is showing off to people by making chicken dumplings on a flat stove. He also makes some shrimp, some beef, and some other tasty stuff.

Gilliam, "Franz! I challenge you to a duel!"

Franz, "What…"

Gilliam, "I challenge you to a cooking showdown! Me vs you! Winner takes all!"

Franz, "What are you talking about…"

Random soldier, "Woohoo! Check it out guys! Battle of the Iron Chef!"

Some random soldier pulls out a "video camera" and starts filming.

Franz, "Woah… are we on TV!"

Soldier, "Yup! The Magvel Food channel!"

Franz, "Woohoo! What reason do I have not to be on TV!"

Gilliam, "Your dead!"

Franz, "No, I'm Franz!"

Gilliam, "Whatever!"

Franz and Gilliam begin cooking things on their flat stoves. They continuously cook, and somehow cause the food to explode and send flying hot meat at people.

Soldier, "Ah! It's in my eeeeeeeye!"

A different Soldier, "Oh my god! It burns!"

Another different Soldier is in an outhouse which is inside the castle.

Soldier, "Uh… how do I use these things? Usually it's a seat with a handle to flush the it… but it's just a hole…"

A barrage of shrimp, dumplings, and chicken fly at the outhouse. It successfully hits the outhouse with much gusto, causing it to fall over.

Soldier, "Ugh! Oh my god- Ugh! It's everywhere! Ugh! Agh! It's in my eyes! And my mouth- Ugh!" The soldier opens the door and comes out covered in… you know…

Everyone stares at him.

Soldier, "I'm covered in human feces!"

Vanessa, "Eww..."

Kyle, "Woo! Talk about BO!"

Forde, "You seriously need a bath..."

Artur comes out of no where with a fire hose.

Ephraim, "Oh my god- How the heck did he get out!"

Eirika, "And where'd he get that fire hose!"

Artur, "Reveeeeeeeenge! This is for tying me down!" Artur opens the hose and begins drenching everyone in very, very, ice cold water."

Vanessa, "Oh my god! Run!"

Forde, "That maniac has a fire hose! Ruuuuuun!"

Kyle, "Ahhhhh!"

Artur starts spraying water at everyone causing them to fall down. People also slip over the puddles or trip over people who already fell. Artur sprays the person covered in… yeah, but sprays him a lot causing him to freeze with the feces on him.

Sean, "Forget this group! I'm outta here!" Sean grabs his pay check and runs away.

I walk over to Artur, who is spraying water still at the poor little idiots. He doesnt notice as I nonchalantly cast thunder on the hose causing the electricity to go through the hose and shocking Artur.

Artur, "Ahhhhhhh!"

The shock also goes out of the hose through water being shot right at the dead Ross. It shocks him, causing him to burst back into life.

Ross, "Hey! I'm aliiiiive! Woohoo!"

He then gets knocked down by more water, causing him to fall down and fracture his wrist, break his arm, crush one of his rib bones, break a toe, dislocate his shoulder and femur, break his nose, and also cause two of his teeth to fall out.

Ross, "Agh… The pain! The agony!"

"Spare me, drama queen." I say to Ross.

Ross, "Hey! You've never been in this much pain!"

"True. Okay. Bye."

Ross, "Wait! I need medical attention!"

Well, that was a fun party. Ha. Some people are getting treated by healers and some are just hurt and aren't getting any. Ha to them.

Also, Sean/Xach ran away with his pay check. I guess he couldn't take the craziness of our group. Oh well, most people can't. Well, at least some of the people didn't get sprayed with water.

I wonder how pissed off the King is going to be when he sees a pool inside his castle. Maybe he'll explode. Or even worse, he'll implode.

Prodigy, Lute

Day 30

Weather: We're indoors yet again

Location: It's been the same for the past few days if you haven't noticed

Well, here we are at the aftermath of our party. Everyone drunk is asleep on tables, some without clothing, or just crashing into everything. All the cleaning was dumped on Artur since he caused most of the mess. And he made messes that were made, such as garbage littered on the floor even worse.

Yeah, I know, the new Artur doesn't seem like the cleaning type but we managed to find a way to make him do it.

I stand next to Artur who is carrying a leaf blower and dragging around a bucket with soapy water and a mop. He is also wearing a janitor's outfit with a hat on his spiky hair.

Artur, "No! I don't want to clean this up Lute! It fluxing sucks! Let's just dump it all on some random drunken guy!"

"Artur, I don't care. They all forced me to force you to do it. So just get it over with and clean the puddles and garbage."

"I don't "clean." I makes messes! I destroy things! Like this!" Artur looks around and kicks a garbage can down causing it to spill its contents. A lighter rolls away and ironically opens up and somehow sparks up. It then continues to roll over and drop right into a puddle of alcohol, which of course causes an explosion, knocking down a wall, making debris fly everywhere, and make tables break in half and spill the food/drinks/whatever to spill onto the floor. Black soot flies right into Artur's face and mine.

"Well Artur, Now you have to clean up _this_ whole mess which you just made worse."

"What! Oh man…I'm still not cleaning it up!"

"Well, think of your mop, dust buster, and leaf blower as weapons used to kill the little tiny bacteria people on the ground."

"…...Hey… your right! I can cause havoc for the bacteria people! Muahahahaha!" Artur takes up his dust buster in his mouth, his leaf lower in one hand, and the mop in the other. He kicks the bucket over causing soapy water to fall spill everywhere. He then starts cleaning the floor and messes maniacally.

Artur, "Take that germs! Eat soap! Die mildew!"

Somewhere on the ground in which in think Artur is imagining.

Bacteria Male, "Ah! Run awaaaaay!"

Bacteria Female, "Noooo! Little Timmy got sucked into the dust buster!"

Bacteria Senior, "Ah! I'm meeeeeeeltiiiiing!"

Bacteria Junior, "Help! I'm being blown awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

Back to reality and out of Artur's imagination.

"Er, well I'll leave you to clean everything up…"

I hope Artur doesn't become a neat freak. Then he's gonna try to clean us all with a dust buster and suck in all of our stuff. I should hide the diary. He might think it has germs on it. It probably does though. That sentance just made me sound like a slob.

I'm going to go upstairs before Artur goes crazy and discovers the "Swiffer WetJet" and super vacuum.

Prodigy, Lute

Well, sorry it took too long to update. I hope you didn't think that chapter was crappy. I was having some small Writers Block. Well, please leave a review on your way out! I'm going to go play some Maple Story. Also, I still don't know a person named Sean/Xach.


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